Its been almost a month since I’ve left an abusive relationship for good. It was hard even getting out of it, involving police etc. It’s so illogical but I struggle everyday with missing my ex.
I think my mind is fixated on the ‘highs’ of the abuse cycle i was in. I try my best to stay occupied with work, family and friends, but my thoughts when I’m alone feel so suffocating. I haven’t had a chance to see a counsellor yet because of waitlists and it’s so hard to cope with my emotions.
I feel so alone and unlovable and part of me still craves to people-please my ex so I get so hurt when I see that he hasn’t been checking my socials or posting about me which he did a lot before when I would try to leave. I know no contact is a good thing but I’m really struggling with keeping my emotions in control and keeping my mind off him. I try my best to keep him blocked and not to check on him but to be completely honest I’m just struggling so much emotionally to keep these boundaries for myself.
It’s like my brain and my heart are at war with each other and I just really want peace of mind again.