28F 35M long post
Im 28 F and my fiance is 35M. 6 years on and off and the last 2 years have been dealing with him wanting a shared relationship with the same woman that I tried with in the beginning of the last 2 years. I stopped wanting the shared relationship because of all the chaos it caused.
I ended up having to move out because she would always fight and argue and cause issues everytime me and him would have our turn. He always is upset with me that I moved out but I feel like I had no choice. They would argue over her interfering with mine and his time while I would respect their time. And even after every argument she would still do it. So I got to a point of being tired of me and him never allowed to have our relationship because it was issues everytime. And she would always be forgiven to just do it again. Like cuddling they would cuddle for over a hr or 2 and when it was his turn to cuddle me she would turn over and cry and get mad and then tell him " you said you would comfort me when i cried" trying to get him to turn back over and cuddle her. They still live together and everytime I visit guess what still issues.
Now im in the spot with him that every discussion or disagreement we have he throws up the past. Of how everytime we've broken up ive talked to other people ( mind you he has too), he brings up how im the one that left, ect. Every time I bring up what upsets me such as when hes at home we barely talk sometimes it takes him awhile to respond but when hes not around her like if he goes out by his self or when hes at work we talk more often. So I get upset because when hes home I dont get as much time to talk, or I get upset that he used to comment and like everything I posted, he would send me or tag me in sweet stuff, now nothing. Used to want to call me all the time now im the only one thst calls him. I always have to ask him if hes seen this or that. His excuse for not talking when home is he trys to distract himself and stay busy cause he misses me.
Now in my head I miss him so I want to talk to him. Wouldnt you be the same way instead of barely talking if you missed someone. But anytime I bring up how it hurts that she already gets his attention cuddles kisses 24/7 because she lives there and I barely get any time or attention at all because I dont. And when I do he tells me its my fault because I left. And if its not me coming to visit he dont visit me at all, he says he has to fix his car but he drives his car a hr to work everyday there and a hr back, he drives his car to do deliveries on his days off, but his car wont make it to see me. So if im working when hes off and cant see him we dont see eachother.
He also throws up every issues we have ever had the past during every argument. I can be talking about current issues and its always bringing up something I did when we wasnt in a relationship. For context. Me and him had a really bad fight like reallt bad I seen he had deleted chat with a new girl he added off his snapchat and he said he deleted it because it wasnt nothing like that, but every other chat with people he would keep, so we argued fought he accused me I wanted to leave he was telling me to get the fuck out his house, go find new dick like I been wanting ( i always hear that every argument to), long story short I left, messaged him saying I couldnt take the physical fighting the lying and hiding stuff the accusations when clearly hes doing what he wants while begging for me to come home and that I feel like things would never change or us be healthy for eachother.
So I met someone and within a day or two he had a girl (thay I didnt know at the time was someone he was with back in 2018) with him and moving into his house. So he was with her she got pregnant the person I met we had a child together. Well things fell out for him and me. I was single pregnant and my now fiance had been trying to fix things and tell me about a shared relationship with this girl he was having kid by. So thays how the last 2 years has came about. So now on top of all the other stuff, every argument he brings up how I left and had a babg by someone else even though he was talking tk her and trying to move her in before I met my child's father, she got pregnant before me. But im the one that is wrong. The list of chaos and toxic shit I could write a book about.
And yes I know im gonna be judged for staying, for being in any kind of relationship. Idk whats wrong with me. The thought of blocking him and not having him in my life again hurts to the core because hes always been my person... he tells me im his person his soul mate his wife. I guess I just hang on to all of it being true because I dont want to lose him. But here recently I feel its doing more damage to me then good. Im in therapy now. I hurt everyday. Everynight I go to bed alone thinking and missing him. While he goes to sleep beside her every night. Every argument he will tell me hes done talking have a goodnight or good day and wont respond to me. He just enjoys his night with her. If im not coming up and seeing him every day or moving back in then he makes me the problem. Even though I dont want to live there and have to deal with the other girl Interfering when its mine and his time and causing arguments everyday like she did when I did live there. I feel like no matter what I say do change it's never good enough, I'm not good enough, and it sucks and hurts so bad. What's wrong with me?