u/Far-Arugula5158

Good morrow ENFPs,

I am an INFP in search of some advice. I am coming to you ENFPs because I think you will understand what I am explaining and know how to fix it.

The thing is, I have a strong tendency to fast forward friendships, by which I scare people off. All of my best relationships were with ENFPs since they were the most likely to not scared off by the speed or depth of my approach to friendship. I love inviting others to my activities, I love crafts, and ideas, and discussing political and personal topics. The point at which someone catches my interest, I am full steam ahead. That being said, I am still an introvert. But very people focused. Like folding laundry with friends over.

My kind of enthusiasm has been more rewarding in situations of forced proximity, like elementary school classrooms, or dormitories. But as soon as the interactions require planned meetings or texts to connect, my success has been much more spotty.

I have been called “overwhelming” by very nice and well-meaning people. And what’s killer, is that I was trying so hard to tamp it down in all those situations.

For example, I am meeting a new friend (hypothetically). They tell me their two favorite movies. I have the time to watch both of them in the next 7 days, and I am excited at the prospect of talking with them about their favorite movie. After I watch it, I usually have at least (like at minimum), 500-word essay in my head about various aspects: themes, cinematography, director’s choices, symbolism. I think to be polite and ask if it’s okay if I can send my thoughts, no rush in reply. They might be excited I watched it. And they are excited I have things to say about it too. But, they do not want to discuss it as deeply as I do. So then two things either happen: 1. I don’t tell them all my thoughts (just one or two) and feel lonely since the conversation ended and I feel deflated not being able to share all my ideas, or 2. I do tell them and, while (hopefully) an objectively impressive analysis, I have overwhelmed them with so much…thought.

When I meet someone I like, I try to pace myself like a distance runner although it’s not natural to me.

I have a call planned with someone. We have talked twice before and texted here or there. I want to tell her my “big idea.” But it occurs to me that would be overwhelming and scare her off. I am not good at motivating others towards my visions.

I have thrown many parties and every single one, people have told me it’s the best party they’ve ever been to. But I always have to literally materialize something for someone to promote what I’m saying. My words never stand on their own. I’m hoping this person I’m calling wants to be a coworker to my big idea, but how do I sell it? How do I get better at selling myself?

Sincerely,

Blind self-awareness

I recently did a reading and received all pentacles. And my intuition was saying that I was in the wrong frame of mind. In some ways, it was so jolting to receive only pentacles that I realized something was wrong (which was: my mental framework with which I was approaching the cards’ answers).

I am wondering to the group, if you have any “rules” for what it means to draw only pentacles/swords/cups/wands etc..

I’m thinking that maybe sometimes it’s a good thing and maybe sometimes it’s a bad thing, but it’s always telling something.

In a world in which I had more time, I would dive into the historical symbolism of tarot moreso. I love when people talk about the cards’ numerology and astrology signs etc.

I recently asked my cards if I have known someone in a past life. I’m not even sure if I believe in a past life, but the question itself quite randomly popped into my head as a question for my cards.

I received Chariot from the deck. And something about the Chariot card felt like, there was something I was meant to explore in that one..

This is in regards to someone I mostly knew of, rather than know well. Our interactions were slim and few, but in the handful of times we were around each other, I caught her staring at me or my things often. And reciprocally, my attention was also drawn in her direction. There was a curiosity that felt…complex. Our paths crossed but didn’t converge. We’re moving away from each other and likely won’t see each other again. I was working when the question for the cards just kind of popped into my mind…or perhaps bubbled up from my subconscious…

Now, I’m curious about the Chariot. The deeper meanings and the origin stories. The archetypal and astrological meanings. What is the bigger story of the Chariot card?

If it matters: the chariot came reversed, but that’s because last time I used the cards I oriented them all upright and accidentally had them upside down when pulled. However, they were shuffled.

I feel as though it’s the ENFP-ness in me that tries way too hard to compensate socially for others who give less. And then secondly, my bubbliness means that things can feel alright in moments even when there are bigger misalignments in relationships. I also find myself so unsure of when something is “wrong.” I am very idealistic so my expectations ca be very high but I’m aware of that and also appreciate people as they are and I am relatively independent.

Once you know that a relationship needs to end, how far back into it can you say “I really knew then.” ?

I’ve always had a little pinkish to my skin. And furthermore, I have always been neuro-affected by fragrances (causing migraines).

My most recent roommate has doused the apartment in fragrance daily. I’ve called security management, I’ve requested reasonable accommodation, I’m trying to move out. But in the meantime, it seems to have caused me to have rosacea which I didn’t have before.

Does anyone else get their rosacea from perfumes?