When im posting the most gut retching, heart breaking vent, i dont want to open my notifications for people trying to ask me if they can date me.
i just posted about how terrible my life is, do you really think im going to be stupid enough to be like, yeah ill start dating some random person ive never met before after posting about my terrible life!
Im very tired and ive had a hard day, I would like to make this short since I barely have any energy, especially after arguing. I can provide more detail if needed.
I got into an argument with my father for one of the first times, im very scared of conflict so I always try to avoid it.
However this time was my breaking point after a long day.
What had happened was he took my heater from me without asking while I was out and when I got back and asked he started complaining about the bills.
We texted back in forth over this, not even speaking texting.
And it seemed lile he just kept getting more mad. I told him how I dont think he shouldve taken the heater from me, and he proceeded to get more mad saying im starting stuff for no reason and how stressful life is.
And I understand its hard, but I also dont since i just turned the legal age to get a job in my area.
However throughout the conversation it kept seeming lile he wanted to vent and I tried to calm him down and but he kept having an attitude and I told him he should get a therapist. This wasnt meant to be a joke nor degrading then he proceeded to get mad at me.
Saying stuff like he doesnt need one, or mawking me.
Then I started telling him more and more about how he was making me feel sad.
(This is starting to get long so ill shorten it up)
When I started countering his opinions, by proving him wrong about emotional things he started to say crazy stuff.
Like he was just sending texts that didnt make any sense. It was like he was happy or finding this funny?
I feel like he did that to take the conversation off of how I was proving him wrong.
Idk, and then he got back to being mad.
Ive heard hes bi polar from other people, but he never told me that himself.
Ml
If you have any questions, please let me know as I didnt provide every detail/missed some things.
im having very bad thoughts right now about self harm, i never done it before but my day has been so shit and nothing ive done has helped to relieve it. listening to music. playing games. sleeping.
its so bad it makes me feel suicidal and i would talk to my friends but i cant pujt all these thoughts onto them, none of my family members are awake.
i really want to see my therapist but i wont see them for a few days and these thoughts are so bad im just so scared i dont know who i can talk to
I understand people have it worse than me, so when i cry, hell, feel the need to hurt myself over little shit i just feel even more pathetic.
i hate my living situation and i see no immediate way out of it and it just makes me feel so overwhelmed i feel like hurting myself. not even that but i just wish for death.
just to state, i havent hurt myself before and i dont ever plan on it, neither do i ever plan on suicide. its just this intense feeling that im having right now.
i do nothing for this world, im a loser who sits in their room all day. i dont have a job. i have a poor attitude. my room is shit.
im not even stating what caused this whole breakdown because its so embarrassing and childish.