u/Fancy_Ambition_7486

I spent my teens and early 20s overweight, and mostly invisible. About fifteen years ago, I started my fitness journey just to be healthy.

Since then, I’ve stayed consistent and now I’m a fit man in my 30s, but I’ve noticed people treat me differently. There’s more staring, prolonged eye contact, and unexpected friendliness.

I’m an introvert, and I don’t want that kind of attention. I don’t like the unsolicited compliments, small talks from strangers, while I’m buying groceries or mid set at the gym.

I try to be respectful when someone smiles at me, but even that can be misread as an invitation. I have had a few uncomfortable experiences with people approaching or following me, and now I avoid eye contact.

I’ve tried setting boundaries, dressing baggy clothes, and avoiding eye contact, but the attention hasn’t really changed.

I feel most at peace in quiet spaces and small, intentional circles of friends. I like the healthy lifestyle I’ve built, but I’m finding it hard to deal with the attention that comes with it.

Does anyone have practical tips or perspectives for not being affected by unwanted attention, especially someone else's gaze?

Hi everyone, I’m looking for perspective and some advice from people who understand this.

I’ve been estranged from my family for a while after years of abuse. Cutting them off wasn’t a choice I took lightly, but it gave me peace. Still, I’m noticing that the conditioning from my childhood shows up in ways that make me question myself.

Growing up, I was taught that anger was dangerous. Whenever I showed even a hint of it, I was gaslit and told I was “crazy” or that something was wrong with me. Over time, I learned to fear my own emotions, like if I let that part of me out, it would become destructive.

As I’ve been healing, I also realized I had surrounded myself with long term friends who mirrored those same dynamics. They treated my boundaries like a joke or a challenge. When I finally spoke up, I heard the same lines: “You’re too sensitive,” or “You can’t handle the heat.” It hurt, but I ended those friendships too.

Now I’m very protective of my peace. Recently, someone at work crossed a boundary, and I felt that old surge of anger, the kind that feels tied to survival. I chose to walk away instead of engaging.

Even so, the anger felt intense, almost physical, like something I needed to control or escape.

How do you sit with that kind of anger without either suppressing it or feeling like it’s going to take over?

Thank you

I spent my teens and early 20s overweight, overlooked, and mostly invisible. About fifteen years ago, I started my fitness journey just to be healthy.

Since then, I’ve stayed consistent and now I’m a fit man in my 30s, but I’ve noticed people treat me differently. There’s more staring, prolonged eye contact, unexpected friendliness, and sometimes free items or offers I didn’t ask for.

I’m an introvert, and I don’t want that kind of attention. I don’t like the unsolicited compliments. I don’t want pretty privilege, constant invitations or small talks from strangers, while I’m buying groceries or mid set at the gym.

Even receiving free things makes me uncomfortable because it feels like there’s an expectation behind it, like I’ll owe something in return.

I feel most at peace in quiet spaces and small, intentional circles of friends. I like the healthy lifestyle I’ve built, but I’m finding it hard to deal with the attention that comes with it.

I’ve tried setting boundaries, dressing baggy clothes, and avoiding eye contact, but the attention hasn’t really changed.

I’m looking for a genuine advice on how to exist in the world without losing my peace.