u/FancyLettuce2469

I have primary physical custody of my kids and have since they were born since we didn’t always live together but officially/legally since 2019. I still share legal custody with my ex-husband. Over the years, he has consistently failed to exercise his court-ordered parenting time. He jumps in and out of their lives since moving to our city in 2021. The current order gives him one week per summer month, one week of Christmas break, every spring break, and alternating Thanksgiving breaks. Since 2019, he has taken one Christmas week, one Thanksgiving week, and the only time he has taken them in the summer was when I drove them all the way to San Diego and I funded the whole trip (groceries, diapers, etc) and picked them up, despite the court order saying he was responsible for travel during his visitation.

When he first moved up near us I was glad to give him time to see them and he started taking them every weekend for almost a year. I believe this only lasted this long because he moved in next door to my mom (lol long story) and she enabled him by constantly taking the kids for him. One day in 2022, he called me after picking them up and said he didn’t want to have them all the time and wanted to go back to the original order.

He has actively refused to support getting our older son evaluated for and diagnosed with autism. I spent five years advocating and managing his care through school districts, psychiatrists, and therapists. Whenever I’d ask him to contribute to a private evaluation because I couldn’t find anyone in network he would say no and the most he ever offered was $250 🫠 they average autism evaluation is $5000 where we live

For years he refused to get a larger place and was living in a studio, with one child sleeping in his bed and the other on a cot for visits. As the kids got older (7 and 9 at the time) they said they were uncomfortable sleeping in bed with him. He only moved into a bigger place last year after I begged him to let our older son, who has significant behavioral challenges and an autism diagnosis as of last week, stay with him for a period because our son was becoming aggressive toward me while I was pregnant. My ex-husband used the situation to try and pressure me into signing over full custody of this child, while simultaneously dropping him off for days or weeks at a time and refusing to take him back.
During the period our son was staying with him, my ex-husband was also:

Leaving our son unsupervised overnight with no phone and no check-ins

Allowing him to swim unsupervised

Routinely shutting off the internet, cutting off our son's only means of contacting me

Leaving him alone for extended periods without any adult supervision or emergency contact. found this especially alarming given that our son has a disability and a history of self-harm.

He has twice refused to sign off on our son’s paperwork to go to inpatient care at the recommendation of his psychiatrist and pediatrician which delayed him getting admitted for weeks

After letting our son “live” with him for about 6 months, I was woken up at 6:30am one morning to my doorbell beating repeatedly rung and opened the door to my son standing there with a duffle bag and my ex who has been told to not come onto my property trying to take my son’s house keys from his hands which is why my son was ringing the bell to get in. My ex took the keys from his hands and told me not to bring our son back to his house because he doesn’t want him living there anymore. This was 3 days before our son’s birthday. My son was sobbing.

It's also worth noting that my ex-husband was not actually the primary caregiver during this time as I was still taking our son to school every day, keeping him after school until around 6pm, having him on weekends, and caring for him all day during the summer. My ex-husband was essentially just putting him to bed in the evenings.

Right after I finally filed for modification, I found out he has moved his mother into the room that was supposed to be for the children, so even the visitation schedule I proposed: first weekend of each month, with the requirement that he take time off work and not leave the children alone or in the care of others given our son's disability and tendency toward aggression with his younger brother…no longer makes sense, because the children would have nowhere to sleep.

We finally have a hearing scheduled for August and I'm requesting full legal custody. Is that a realistic goal given years of documented parenting time non-exercise, active obstruction of our child's medical and educational needs, and these safety concerns? And for those who've been through mandatory mediation before a custody hearing…what should I be sure to mention, and what should I avoid saying?

Hi everyone! My son has Childhood Apraxia of Speech. His speech has come so far since being in speech since he was two years old. We have taken off the last 18 months from private speech and this year he phased out of speech therapy at school because we all agreed he didn’t need it. But over the last month I had noticed him stuttering a bit. Repeating the same word multiple times like his brain is trying to think of what word should he next and he doesn’t want to just pause the sentence. Should I put him back into speech therapy? Is this a typical thing with CAS?

My 13-year-old had a meltdown last night that ended in a 5150 psychiatric hold after he started walking into traffic when the mental health crisis team was there to try and help. Back in January he was released early from an RTC but not because treatment was complete. They said he needed a higher level of care than they could provide because he was hitting himself. Now I'm being told psychiatric hospitals may deny him a bed because of “aggression concerns” but he hasn't harmed anyone, he's only ever been a danger to himself. So I don't understand how that's grounds for denial.

He has a long-suspected autism diagnosis that I could never get confirmed because private evaluations are expensive, his dad refused to contribute to the cost (or provide respite or help because he’s a deadbeat but that’s a whole separate issue), and there was nothing in-network. I finally learned last year that Regional Center might be an option. He has an evaluation on the 4th to hopefully confirm the diagnosis that everyone has suspected for so long. He was always considered "higher functioning" so I never thought he'd qualify. But over the past two years his meltdowns have escalated significantly and he's been failing all his classes.

I'm in California and trying to figure out what my next steps are. Are there crisis stabilization options I should be pushing for if the psych hospitals deny him? And does the 5150 documentation help or hurt his Regional Center eligibility? Any guidance appreciated. We are in the Bay Area so if you know of nonprofits or orgs to reach out to please let me know!

(California) My son (13) was placed on a psychiatric hold tonight and will be held for 3-5 days from what I was told. No official medical diagnosis of autism but is finally getting evaluated by the regional center on the 4th. School evaluations and other providers agree he is autistic but don’t do the medical evaluations. The school district has been refusing non-public school placement despite him failing all of his classes and sending me emails every week about his behavior. He was supposed to start having a one-to-one aid tomorrow and I think he was feeling very embarrassed and anxious about that tonight and he spiraled and became unsafe as he escalated and was walking into traffic. I had already asked for an IEP meeting last week because no one was telling me how the aid would be used or collecting and documenting data about behaviors. They haven’t scheduled the meeting with me or offered dates yet. What should I do now that he is on a psychiatric hold? I’m trying to do some research and see if they need to hold the meeting sooner so we can plan for when he is released and goes back or if the deadline is still 30 days from when I asked last week?