I really need honest opinions because I feel like I’m losing my sense of reality.
I got married the halal way. No dating, no talking privately, nothing beyond what was allowed. We knew each other as family friends, but not on a personal level. I trusted the process completely. I prayed istikhara and told myself whatever happens is from Allah.
But looking back… there were signs.
While we were arranging the marriage, he kept making comments about money. He said weddings were “too much,” questioned why I’d fly out to get a dress when it’s cheaper elsewhere (even though he wasn’t paying), and even complained that my mahr was “too high.” It didn’t sit right with me, but I ignored it. I thought maybe he was just practical.
On our wedding day… he didn’t hug me. No affection. Nothing. I brushed it off as nerves.
But things didn’t get better—they got worse.
Living together felt like I had a roommate, not a husband. He never complimented me. Never spoke to me in a loving or gentle way. Never took me out. No dates, no effort, no pictures together… nothing. We’d just sit at home and watch movies in silence.
I tried to communicate. I explained how I wanted to be loved, how women need reassurance, affection, kindness. I wasn’t asking for anything extreme—just basic emotional connection.
Instead… I’d cry myself to sleep most nights wondering what I did wrong.
I did everything I thought a good wife should do. I cooked, cleaned, did his laundry—everything. And still, I got nothing back.
No gifts. No flowers. Not even small gestures.
One time I asked him for $5 for laundry and he said, “You have a job, you can pay for it.” After that, I never asked him for anything again.
Our conversations became nonexistent. Just “Salam” and “how was work.” That’s it.
I even brought it up to his uncle, hoping someone would help. The response? “Have sabr.”
Eventually, we had a big argument and stopped speaking for almost a week. That’s when I asked for a divorce.
His first response?
“When are you leaving? And figure out your own transportation to work.”
I was honestly shocked. Not sadness, not confusion… just logistics.
We sat down again to talk, and that’s when he said something that completely broke whatever was left in me:
“You have to earn my love.”
At that moment, I stopped seeing him as a husband.
It felt like I was being tested… like I was applying for a role I had already been given.
After that, I just went quiet. I stopped complaining. We barely spoke. We were just… existing in the same space.
Then I quit my job.
When I told him, instead of supporting me, he cancelled our apartment lease and said we’d move in with his parents because he “couldn’t afford it.”
But from the very beginning, I had one clear condition in my marriage contract: I would not live with in-laws.
He agreed to that.
And then he broke it.
That was my breaking point.
I packed my things and went back to my parents’ house. Now I’m waiting for the divorce process to finish.
And I keep asking myself…
Did I give up too early?
Was I not patient enough?
Or did I stay longer than I should have?
Am I wrong for leaving?