u/Fabulous_Cost_8647

Recently, I posted a text sharing some truths I took from my experience with ghosting. I realized I was able to help a lot of people, and because of that, I gathered the courage to touch on a more sensitive point where I’ll be a bit more vulnerable. It’s easy to recognize the pattern… but how do we protect ourselves from it? You know that feeling of losing your dignity when you get ghosted? Yeah… it’s completely illusory. We don’t lack dignity, we are not disposable… but we prove our dignity when we stay firm and refuse to fall into the same trap again. I gathered 5 points I’ve been repeating to myself since everything happened. And just to be clear: I’m not saying they will come back, but if they do, we need to be prepared. Feel free to add more points in the comments!

1- We are human beings! This is crucial, because it allows us to feel without acting recklessly on those feelings. I don’t know about you, but I felt so disposable in this situation… like my dignity had been thrown away. So when the person we liked comes back, that automatic feeling hits: “I won,” “he missed me,” “I’m unforgettable.” And that’s okay. It’s just our ego getting a bit of relief after being unfairly hurt. There’s nothing wrong with feeling that, it’s expected. But here’s my plea: don’t act on it. Feel it, validate yourself for five minutes… and then remember the ghosting. That will help you stay grounded.

2- Their return is part of the pattern. I’m not saying people can’t change or regret what they did… but let’s be honest with ourselves, it’s unlikely, right? We already understand that the core of ghosting is inconsistency. Inconsistent people act on impulse. The same impulse that made them disappear is the one bringing them back. There’s nothing that deep behind it. And if you allow it, they will ghost you again.

3- The best response is silence. People who ghost usually like access. So it doesn’t matter if you respond with anger or insults, you’re still giving them exactly what they want: access. It’s not about how you receive them. It’s about the fact that you are receiving them. If you can’t ignore them, at least be indifferent. But don’t hand back control. Still, silence is the strongest response of all.

4- Ghosting gave me clarity about what I actually want. It’s interesting, but after being ghosted, I became very clear about the kind of man I want by my side:

consistent, more predictable than bills at the end of the month. “Push and pull” is addictive because you never know what’s coming next… but that’s not healthy at all.

Now I have much clearer standards (at least it served a purpose). I can recognize much faster who is actually moving forward. Predictability isn’t boring, it’s maturity.

5- But what if they really changed? If they truly changed, they will understand the weight of what they did. They will know that rebuilding trust takes effort and time and that an initial rejection is natural.

Remember this: change is not a single action, it’s consistent behavior over time. Watch over time. I’ll say it again: time. Time is everything here. Someone who genuinely wants to make things right will respect the process. So don’t rush, don’t make it easy, and take all the time you need to heal.

Bonus: You don’t need to know why they disappeared, the disappearance itself is already a huge answer.

Understand this: the problem was never you. And honestly, be grateful you don’t see ghosting as something normal. You deserve someone who is consistent in what they say and what they do. See ghosting as protection, not as a missed opportunity. And don’t take on the responsibility of fixing anyone, people only change if they truly want to. Healthy relationships start with people who are at least emotionally literate… and someone who ghosts you is usually still stuck at the emotional ABCs.

Muchas gracias for all the shares on my previous post, you have no idea how happy it makes me to help, especially after something like ghosting. It’s like giving new meaning to pain.

Good luck to everyone 🤍

And if you want to share your experience, I’m here to listen!❤️‍🩹

Today marks one month since I received a very unexpected ghosting. During these weeks I've internally experienced everything I could: anger, sadness, and finally I began to reframe the experience. With this situation, although unpleasant, I learned some things that might help those who are more sensitive to ghosting. And feel free to add more points based on your observations as well.

1- Usually, ghosting is not the result of a lack of interest. It may seem presumptuous or even a little delusional to say this, but in cases where the relationship has lasted a reasonable amount of time, the root of ghosting is rarely disinterest. On the contrary, sometimes interest is a problem, because these people are unable to sustain their own interest. So don't ask yourself: "Was there interest?" or "Did I mislead the signals?" Replace these questions with "What did this person do with everything we've experienced so far?" and "What was this person's final attitude?". Which leads us to the second point...

2- The famous inconsistency! It has a lot to do with this inability to sustain feelings or what begins. I remember that in my experience, I realized later that the guy wasn't taking clear steps, or rather, with direction. There was always ambiguity, even if disguised.

3- A strong indication, at least in my case, was the fact that I never knew how our conversations would proceed. For example, there were days when he flirted a lot, others when he was more profound, others when he would just send a "hi, how are you?" and then disappear. It was as if I were talking to isolated versions of him every day. I think observing this is much more revealing than noticing the frequency of the conversation (mine talked every day, but always like that... without any direction). It's the famous and addictive "push and pull," our brains can't resist! (I think it's important to emphasize that the guy never treated me badly, we didn't disagree. So it seemed like it was part of his routine, but in reality it was a nuance of inconsistency).

4- Selfishness is the essence of ghosting. It's ironic to think that once I was sick and couldn't send messages, and this guy was clearly bothered because I wasn't responding. When I reappeared, I explained what had happened, he showed concern and offered help... but what all this reveals is that generally, people who ghost like access, or rather, control over it! That's why they do what they want... including ghosting when they find it convenient. When that control is broken, you'll probably see them freaking out!

5- Why did they leave? Sometimes we're led to believe something happened, but most of the time it didn't. It's just their pattern revealing itself. What caused this distancing is simply the inability to sustain something. (There are exceptions, but common ghosting is usually based on inconsistency).

Bonus: be prepared for their return, not with expectation, but so you don't get carried away and leave an opening for the pattern to repeat itself. Reading the community's accounts, I realized that the return is almost a pattern as well. So I encourage you not to get carried away... if that person comes back, it will be out of pattern, not because of real change. Don't risk reliving that wound.

Today a guy who ignored me showed up, and thank God he found me indifferent this time.

And if you'll allow me the audacity, be grateful for the ghosting, because even though it's uncomfortable, you know exactly who that person is!

Again, whoever has more points, please put them here in the comments, let's help each other🤍

I (23F) have had a best friend (23M) for 12 years. We met in school and have nurtured this friendship ever since. We have a very close relationship, like confidants; we trust each other a lot because we are similar in many things, such as our perspective on life and how we see the world.

A few months ago, a friend of my best friend became interested in me, and my best friend showed very obvious jealousy. On that occasion, we went out as a group of 6 (me and two other friends, and him and two other friends), and he wouldn't let his friend get close to me or take me home. When I questioned him the next day, he said that he was jealous in the sense of losing my friendship, because he knew that a possible relationship between me and his friend would end up distancing us a little; he said that I was very precious to him (as a friend). But he also started talking about how he saw me in general, that I was lighthearted, captivating, the ideal wife, the perfect woman to have children with and share life with. And he said all that to affirm my preciousness.

A few days later I talked to him about how I felt our friendship was going beyond the ordinary. We made New Year's resolutions together, read books and watched series together... we did all the things couples do.

In the conversation he told me that he didn't have romantic feelings for me. So I suggested a period of distance so we could really start treating each other like friends... we couldn't distance ourselves, on the contrary, we became even closer.

About a month ago I decided to distance myself from him on my own. Since then he hasn't stopped trying to get around me and resume the frequent contact we had.

But to be honest, I don't think I want to resume our friendship, at least not in the way it was. I value him a lot, he's my best friend, an incredible man, but I still don't think the way we were treating each other was appropriate. And I want to have a serious relationship with someone, I'm repositioning myself in relation to some things and my friendship with him was one of those things that needed to be immediately reviewed.

One thing I also noticed is that he always talked about us as a unit, for example... we have our birthdays in the same week, he always said "our birthday" or "our month," among other things that could easily be separated. Even on my birthday last year, my friends surprised me a few days later (on his birthday), he came to my party instead of being with his family on his own birthday.

Note: We never got involved (no kissing, no sex) and we never liked each other (at least, not openly). And it's important to emphasize that I never saw him romantically either, so all this surprises me.

What do you all think about all this?

I think he's emotionally confused and I doubt he has feelings for me.

I (23F) have had a best friend (23M) for 12 years. We met in school and have nurtured this friendship ever since. We have a very close relationship, like confidants; we trust each other a lot because we are similar in many things, such as our perspective on life and how we see the world.

A few months ago, a friend of my best friend became interested in me, and my best friend showed very obvious jealousy. On that occasion, we went out as a group of 6 (me and two other friends, and him and two other friends), and he wouldn't let his friend get close to me or take me home. When I questioned him the next day, he said that he was jealous in the sense of losing my friendship, because he knew that a possible relationship between me and his friend would end up distancing us a little; he said that I was very precious to him (as a friend). But he also started talking about how he saw me in general, that I was lighthearted, captivating, the ideal wife, the perfect woman to have children with and share life with. And he said all that to affirm my preciousness.

A few days later I talked to him about how I felt our friendship was going beyond the ordinary. We made New Year's resolutions together, read books and watched series together... we did all the things couples do.

In the conversation he told me that he didn't have romantic feelings for me. So I suggested a period of distance so we could really start treating each other like friends... we couldn't distance ourselves, on the contrary, we became even closer.

About a month ago I decided to distance myself from him on my own. Since then he hasn't stopped trying to get around me and resume the frequent contact we had.

But to be honest, I don't think I want to resume our friendship, at least not in the way it was. I value him a lot, he's my best friend, an incredible man, but I still don't think the way we were treating each other was appropriate. And I want to have a serious relationship with someone, I'm repositioning myself in relation to some things and my friendship with him was one of those things that needed to be immediately reviewed.

One thing I also noticed is that he always talked about us as a unit, for example... we have our birthdays in the same week, he always said "our birthday" or "our month," among other things that could easily be separated. Even on my birthday last year, my friends surprised me a few days later (on his birthday), he came to my party instead of being with his family on his own birthday.

Note: We never got involved (no kissing, no sex) and we never liked each other (at least, not openly). And it's important to emphasize that I never saw him romantically either, so all this surprises me.

What do you all think about all this?

I think he's emotionally confused and I doubt he has feelings for me.