u/Extra_Mobile_1401

We began dating almost exactly 2 years ago. So much has happened in our relationship and I will honestly say that it was 80 him and 20 me. He hit me often when were together and choked me twice. He split my eyebrow open once with a plastic bottle which made me go to the ER. While I was healing and sad from it, lying in bed, he pushed sex on me and did it even though I was crying. Said he wanted to “make me feel better” and that made him want it more. He recently got very aggressive with me during sex, going too hard during anal sex and made me very sick, despite asking him to stop and slow down. He admitted he did it to humiliate me and make me feel used. That was the last time we had sex. Yesterday he told me I was too stupid for him and not the right partner for him, to which I disagreed about the stupidity but agreed about the wrong partner. I fully leaned into it despite with being painful. He called me 9 times yesterday and left countless nostalgic reflective voicemails, just to say all of this that I screenshotted today. He’s of the impression I ruined his life and stunted his growth when I.. paid for everything so he could get his mental health together. He said he couldn’t work he was processing too much. Said our relationship stressed him out too much he was too tired to work.. how did he think I felt. The only reason we argued so much is because he was always trying to accuse me of cheating or hurting him when I wasn’t. He told me recently he had been cheating online constantly since we began dating. He’s told me that because I listed more revealing pictures when we met, had dated a Hispanic man before him, and he and I were sexual soon when we met, he always saw me as a white for two years. Despite me never cheating on him, changing all of my social media and wardrobe for him, and unfollowing every single man on any platform.

I know that we have an age gap but I feel like I dealt with the most malevolent person, being with him. He feels evil. I want to report him for everything and not because we’re parting ways but because he has hurt me many times and caused me psychological damage and robbed me of time and money, admitting he was using me and cheating the entire time. What was I dealing with, some kind of mental illness? Why was he telling me how much he loves me and loves me face in December but in May he’s telling me he’s proud of using me like a whore?

I’m devastated. I never thought he would do these things to me. I once made him this pretty cake for his birthday and showed up at the gym to surprise him when he was having family issues and not close with his dad. He told me thank you and he would always have my back no matter what, for doing that for him. I just don’t know what I could have done towards him to make him treat me this way. He told me he only treats me like this so I’ll leave because he was never attracted to me and never wanted to be with me at all, he felt stuck. I Block him to end it and he chases me down every time. He’s trying to move out of state to pursue the ufc and I’ve supported him. I always encouraged him. He asked me to go with him a month ago and I turned it down because he admitted to cheating on me. He said he didn’t want to go alone he wanted me there, because we can trust each other and we have each other’s backs.

I just need some input no matter what it is. I’m struggling even though my words may seem calm. I haven’t stopped crying in days. He was my best friend. We spent every day together. He would stay at my house for weeks on end and we would take baths together, share everything. I don’t know how he does this.

My boyfriend and I just argued and he put his hands around my neck and squeezed until my vision went blurry. It was over a skirt. I need someone to talk to. My whole reality feels very broken and skewed. Can someone spare a little time? We can use text now

Id also appreciate advice here. I came home from work (I buy all of our groceries and everything. I work really hard. He stays at my house for a week at a time with only a day or two break in between and doesnt work) I was wearing a skirt and a long sleeve button up collared shirt. He asked me if I wore that out and I said yes because my boss asked me to wear something nice to close a deal. He gets dressed to go home and sits there for a long time blowing his nose. He’s sick. I started painting my bedframe. He asked me what I thought was going to happen when I came home wearing that and I said “I didn’t think you’d be bothered by it because it’s work appropriate. I’m sorry” he said “I don’t care if it’s work appropriate, I asked you not to wear those things anymore. Why do you even have that in your closet? I said “it’s not very short and it has built in shorts under it. I thought you wouldn’t have any issue with it” he starts getting angry. He tells me I’m stupid and retarded if I didn’t think he’d care or I’m doing it on purpose. I kept telling him I wasn’t and didn’t mean to. I wasn’t being very submissive just clear about my intentions. He starts yelling and screaming and I ask him to stop because I have an upstairs landlord. He’s not stopping. He tells me somethings wrong with me because I’m not hugging him when he’s upset and crying. I told him he’s calling me a bitch and yelling so it’s scaring me. I asked 3 times very soft if we could talk and if we could calm down to do it. He refused. I apologized. He claims it never happened.

He has asked me not to wear shirt skirts or shorts and I didn’t think this was something he’d be upset about since my work said it was okay and it had shorts under it. I clarified I was asked to look nice to close a deal with a female client. I work in an office space. He spit on my carpet mid yelling and I asked him to leave. He got mad and I kept asking him to stop and calm down and be respectful and he ended up choking me briefly. He dug his fists into my hap bones and it hurt really bad. He forced me on the couch and told me to sit there while he said “I’m telling you I’m a human too. Why can’t you just comfort me? Why can’t you just tell me you’re sorry and you won’t wear it again? Why? What’s wrong in your mentally ill stupid little head? You enjoy this”

He dumped me and deleted all our pictures. Told me I’m a predator for dating him because he’s significantly younger than me. Told me he’s repulsed by having sex with me.

Recently he told me he’s been cheating on me for a year and a half with girls online many many many times. He said I broke his boundaries with my clothing occasionally and so that’s why he broke mine by not being loyal.

2 years - could someone talk to me and help me through it?