u/External-Second-1882 — reddlx

This story is very long, im sorry for that. there is TLDR below.

Today I went on a bike trip with my girlfriend, she was mean to me at the start and our destination was my favorite ice cream shop that we needed to drive to for 3 hours.

During our journey we didn’t talk to eachother and there were so many people around that I started to feel really anxious, I quickly burned out and didn’t felt like talking.

After 2 hours of riding I already started to feel like I am going to cry because my legs hurted so much and I was starting to be sensitive to everything but I held it in and kept driving

When we arrived at our destination (ice cream shop) I was already super exhausted and then I saw this huge crowd of people waiting for their turn to order, my girlfriend was still mad at me so she stayed outside while I went into the battle field of screaming kids, small talk with ice cream seller and asking for my order while I was already about to cry.

Thankfully I dissociated and ordered it somehow without crying, I went outside as fast as I could and gave the ice cream to my girlfriend, she was still mad so we sat in different locations.

And then it started, this huge feeling of stress, of anxiety, of being overwhelmed.
I wanted to cry I wanted to cry and lay down on the floor but there were like 20 people around me and I felt so embarrassed, I had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide and I felt so annoyed by myself, I felt like I am so little kid an that I shouldn’t feel this way.

I looked around my and saw people just talking and laughing and having the best time of their lives while I was overstimulated by hearing all of their conversations at once, by hearing someone opening the car in the background, by feeling the heat of the sun, by feeling the taste of the ice cream i bought, by feeling it’s texture when i held it, and I was alone even tho my girlfriend was next to me

I quickly wore my loop’s headphones with hope this feeling would stop but It didn’t, I felt so overwhelmed I was just about to cry but I somehow held it in, I was too tired to even close my eyes.

After few minutes my girlfriend asked me to go and I agreed, while we were going she asked why I am crying and I told her „Im not” because I couldn’t even process my emotions. I don’t even know if i felt sad.

We started to drive back to home and I just had trouble with breathing throughout all of it, It was like I was crying but without tears.

We went on the bus and I arrived home and took care of myself but I just feel like shit.

I still didn’t tell my girlfriend that I had a meltdown because It feels so childish, I feel annoying when I explain my weird behavior, it was my first time having a meltdown in public and now I am super terrified of leaving my house, I don’t think I will be able to hold it in so well.

Can anybody give me tips on how to survive during next attack like that? I still feel anxious and I don’t know what to do with myself.

TLDR: during biking trip with my girlfriend who was mad at me I had a meltdown for the first time ever in public near an ice cream shop and now I am terrified of leaving my house, because I feel ashamed and embarrassed of it. I don’t understand how people were enjoying themselves out there while I was being overstimulated by their 5 conversations at the same time, I am looking for tips what can I do during next meltdown in public.

Thanks you for reading and please share your experiences and tips :(