u/Express_Bridge274

Hey! I have been working with families since last year. I generally manage cases that presents with family violence incidences or certain risk concerns.

It's been a very steep learning curve for me especially when I'm new to the field. So far I've only received feedbacks for improvement the past year. Mostly to let me know of what I need to improve on, what I'm lacking, and how I can improve or learn. E.g. improvement in assessment, improvement in speaking to client etc etc. I have learnt from all these and I realised my supervisor comments lesser when it comes to my assessments, so I thought I had improved. But she jus brought up other areas to improve on.

Even though I was glad to receive these feedbacks at the beginning, as I thought I could learn from them, I started to feel more and more anxious about making a mistake. Almost every supervision I would be thinking "I wonder what mistakes I've made again..."

She did mention that I look anxious all the time which might affect my learning... I'm honestly trying which is why I brought it up in the first place and told her I'm going for counseling. I thought maybe the environment would be supportive of my growth, since that was what they had informed me when I joined as well. I have always been receptive towards her feedback and always tried to improve after every supervision. But feels like it's always inadequate. But somehow I'm feeling more and more drained and unsupported. Feels like I'm on the road to a burn out and feel like my supervisor hates me...makes me question if I'm suitable for the job as well.

Not sure if anyone has any advice etc.

I'm not sure if I'm right to post here. But for context, I am someone who had a difficult childhood. My family was poor and I had a sister who abused me emotionally/psychologically. My childhood impacted me a lot which is why I am seeking counselling support to process my emotions.

But somehow this is something that I find difficult to share with my boyfriend. My boyfriend is someone who grew up having everything he wanted, his mother provided for him in everyway possible. He didn't have to worry about money, and told me he grew up comfortable. In the beginning of our relationship, I tried to share with my boyfriend about my past and he told me to be grateful for what I have. I fought with him about it too. BUT after he actually went to my place and experienced what I went through, he stopped saying that.

But I mean after all of that fighting I guess I stopped sharing too much emotional things with him anymore.

Lifestyle wise I am someone who is overly frugal, I would think twice just buying a bed sheet, which my boyfriend told me I was indecisive.

Whenever he tells me his mother bought him the new switch, or tell me that he is traveling with him family and relatives and it happens yearly... I can't help but feel envy. This then shows up in my face and maybe in my conversation where I kinda blurted out "how I wish my parents could travel that often". I feel kinda bad as I should feel happy for him but at that moment I couldn't.

I didn't have yearly trips with my parents and I had to provide for myself while studying. At times it breaks my heart to remember how my parents struggled to raise me and my sister.

I wished I had a closer family too... I've been wondering how it feels like to have parents who are always supportive of their child.

I don't want to let my past affect my current behaviour. And it's not fair for my boyfriend too. I want to be happy for him, but at the same time it would be nice if someone could empathize with how I'm feeling too. I'm posting here to figure out what else I can do, or maybe some listening ear..

I guess this is a mini rant for people willing to listen to me as I wallow in my sadness.