u/Express-Pianist-7208

I 23F and my fiance 23M have been together for 3 years. The biggest issue i have is truly his incompetence and lack of initiative. We are stuck in a loop where i tell him my needs, ask him to be honest about them being out of scope for him, he insists they are not and he understands them. He does something that shows he either doesn’t know what i need or does not care to make it happen. I bring up the issue and have to spend at minimum 15 minutes convincing him the issue exists before he says he loves me and he didn’t know and he’ll fix it and that’s that. The cycle continues. Because it’s been happening SO LONG he feels i “hold things against him” and bring up “little things” but i only provide examples because they usually do not get resolved and he insists he does not know what i mean. For example, im currently 30 weeks pregnant with our first child. We live in a one bedroom apartment. When we decided to keep the baby, i told him i knew my mental health would suffer GREATLY from being in a one bedroom with the baby and that we should move before our baby shower in mid June. Over the months, I asked if we could talk about a plan (he told me we didn’t need one) asked if we could decide on a moving date (May 1st or June 1st), asked if we should pick a date to go view units, asked if i should email our leading office, etc. i was always told he had it, it’s too easily, he promises to get it done, he doesn’t need constant reminders, etc. well it is the middle of May, he didn’t say anything to it leading office until last week, and now the earliest availability they have is July 10th, 10 days before my due date IF i make it that far. I’m devastated and have been having panic attacks about it since i found out. He’s super apologetic but that’s it. He is pretty bad at giving gifts even though I’m an extremely communicative person with a literal running list of things i like with links that he has access to. I try to help him by doing pretty much anything i can to spoon feed him information. For parents holidays this year i said i didn’t want anything big bc baby isn’t here, but just maybe a card and a nice set of pajamas or less than 50 dollars of stuff off my list. His 6 year old nephew got me flowers, he did not. He went to Walmart the day before Mother’s Day, got two different pairs of bottoms that I’d sent him pictures of with no top “they didn’t have any more of my size in the tops “, got me a card but never wrote anything in it or actually gave it to me. This is what i mean by him being incapable of doing anything COMPLETELY or on time. I feel like im constantly planning and managing our entire lives and he rarely meets me even half way and refuses to recognize this as a detrimental issue. I call out of work due to stress and lay in bed and cry at minimum two times a month and can recite the exact speech I’ll get verbatim, and ik he has adhd but he refuses to do anything about it (will not use a planner, the reminder app, his notes app, has been to therapy 3 times in three years, refuses to look into medication, does not engage with the to do list on the fridge, won’t talk to his friends or his parents about it, etc). I genuinely get headaches from stress any time i know there’s something coming up he has to be involved in, which is most things. This morning he wanted to make me breakfast but i had to answer the following before he even started: would i like toast? Do i like eggs? Do i want cheese on my eggs? Do i want one or two slices of toast? It also makes me feel AWFUL to list these things out to him because it feels like nagging but im serious every single time i try to communicate the sheer mental and physical load his lack of initiative puts on me he has no idea what im talking about. I’m really worried about the impact this could have on our child but i also don’t think there is anything else i can do about it at all. I’ve made him agree to give me 400 a month regardless of our relationship status once the baby gets here because i honestly don’t have any faith he will change and i don’t see myself raising a child in that kind of environment but that didn’t seem to make the gravity of the situation any more clear and he will probably forget. What else can i do?

I 23F and my fiance 23M have been together for 3 years. The biggest issue i have is truly his incompetence and lack of initiative. We are stuck in a loop where i tell him my needs, ask him to be honest about them being out of scope for him, he insists they are not and he understands them. He does something that shows he either doesn’t know what i need or does not care to make it happen. I bring up the issue and have to spend at minimum 15 minutes convincing him the issue exists before he says he loves me and he didn’t know and he’ll fix it and that’s that. The cycle continues. Because it’s been happening SO LONG he feels i “hold things against him” and bring up “little things” but i only provide examples because they usually do not get resolved and he insists he does not know what i mean. For example, im currently 30 weeks pregnant with our first child. We live in a one bedroom apartment. When we decided to keep the baby, i told him i knew my mental health would suffer GREATLY from being in a one bedroom with the baby and that we should move before our baby shower in mid June. Over the months, I asked if we could talk about a plan (he told me we didn’t need one) asked if we could decide on a moving date (May 1st or June 1st), asked if we should pick a date to go view units, asked if i should email our leading office, etc. i was always told he had it, it’s too easily, he promises to get it done, he doesn’t need constant reminders, etc. well it is the middle of May, he didn’t say anything to it leading office until last week, and now the earliest availability they have is July 10th, 10 days before my due date IF i make it that far. I’m devastated and have been having panic attacks about it since i found out. He’s super apologetic but that’s it. He is pretty bad at giving gifts even though I’m an extremely communicative person with a literal running list of things i like with links that he has access to. I try to help him by doing pretty much anything i can to spoon feed him information. For parents holidays this year i said i didn’t want anything big bc baby isn’t here, but just maybe a card and a nice set of pajamas or less than 50 dollars of stuff off my list. His 6 year old nephew got me flowers, he did not. He went to Walmart the day before Mother’s Day, got two different pairs of bottoms that I’d sent him pictures of with no top “they didn’t have any more of my size in the tops “, got me a card but never wrote anything in it or actually gave it to me. This is what i mean by him being incapable of doing anything COMPLETELY or on time. I feel like im constantly planning and managing our entire lives and he rarely meets me even half way and refuses to recognize this as a detrimental issue. I call out of work due to stress and lay in bed and cry at minimum two times a month and can recite the exact speech I’ll get verbatim, and ik he has adhd but he refuses to do anything about it (will not use a planner, the reminder app, his notes app, has been to therapy 3 times in three years, refuses to look into medication, does not engage with the to do list on the fridge, won’t talk to his friends or his parents about it, etc). I genuinely get headaches from stress any time i know there’s something coming up he has to be involved in, which is most things. This morning he wanted to make me breakfast but i had to answer the following before he even started: would i like toast? Do i like eggs? Do i want cheese on my eggs? Do i want one or two slices of toast? It also makes me feel AWFUL to list these things out to him because it feels like nagging but im serious every single time i try to communicate the sheer mental and physical load his lack of initiative puts on me he has no idea what im talking about. I’m really worried about the impact this could have on our child but i also don’t think there is anything else i can do about it at all. I’ve made him agree to give me 400 a month regardless of our relationship status once the baby gets here because i honestly don’t have any faith he will change and i don’t see myself raising a child in that kind of environment but that didn’t seem to make the gravity of the situation any more clear and he will probably forget. What else can i do?

My apologies in advance. I (F23) and my fiance (M23) are 28 weeks with our first child, a boy. Fiancé R has 2 sisters, one of which has two sons in Carolina, the other has one and the same city we live in. K, the sister with one 6 year old son is a damn freeloading 32 year old bum. Her son has undiagnosed autism (more on that later) and she pulled him from speech therapy and punishes him for stimming if she’s in a bad mood. She lives with their parents and doesn’t pay ANY bills at all, refuses to learn how to drive, doesn’t cook, clean, buy groceries, etc.

Outside of her shitshow personal life, I haven’t really minded her and we aren’t close but we have casual conversation. The issue I’m running into is that she’s incredibly selfish and immature. When her own sister was pregnant she was pissed bc she wanted to have another baby FIRST and her mom had been helping out with childcare. Now that im pregnant, she insists on putting herself in my business. I waited to tell her because she’d had a miscarriage about a month before we found out. When I did tell her, she said “hopefully you don’t miscarry like I did”. When I found out it was a boy, she told me “oh good you can borrow M’s (her son) clothes you just have to give them back”. She reposted our announcement but didn’t say congratulations to me or her brother, she just captioned it “can’t wait for my nephew!!” When I would have appointments, she’d INVITE HERSELF and she’s been walking around talking about how she’s going to act in the delivery room even though I’ve made it SUPER CLEAR she’s not going to be there. I’m very blunt and not scared of confrontation at all but mostly nobody in the family pays her any attention however I got to my breaking point this past weekend.

I and R went over to see his mom as she’d been out of town lately. MIL was asking me if it was ok if she bought a few specific things from the registry. She then asks if I’ve had a chance to wear a dress she gave me a few weeks ago. I’ve been saving the dress for when we go out together as she wants to see me in it, but the dress still has tags on it (this is important). before I can even finish speaking, SIL K goes off about how the dress was HERS (6 years ago) and that her mom shouldn’t have just “thrown it out” and how it doesn’t matter that she never wore it because nobody asked her if it was something she wanted to keep, and it doesn’t matter that her mom paid for it. We initially ignored her and laughed it off but she got louder in a toddler throwing a tantrum way and then she starts going off about hour her mom didn’t do “anything for her” (mind you the mom pays for the house, the kids school, his insurance, and drives him everywhere even though she’s retired). I snapped and told her she can have the dress back from 6 years ago that she never wore if she really wants it, and I’ll buy myself and her mom 6 matching dresses. I just had to get it out because in the moment it feels like I’m picking on a kid but she’s just so immature and self centered and I think it’s all starting to build up😭😭😭. I barely qualify for WIC but my mom thinks I might as well take advantage, and K hears this and immediately starts making plans for me to take her and my nephew to the science museum since I’ll “get everyone in for free”