u/Expensive-Review928

My story is too long to share. But I know my marriage is over. I have 2 daughters, 10 and almost 6. They’re my whole world. My problem is I have no income. I never worked before. Im in school for medical coding and already earned my CPC (certified professional coder) certification, and working on a higher certification now. I don’t know how i will ever get a job with no job history to put on a resume. I want to move out of my husbands home, I am not there right now as I’ve been living abroad with our daughters but just thinking of being back In the same house upsets me. I can’t do it. 11 years is long enough to feel so out of place. What can I do? If I had money saved could I still rent an apartment if I don’t have income yet? Can someone give me hope. I just want to have the freedom of my own home, look forward to falling in love and being treated how I’ve always dreamed of. Will it get better? Will the constant thinking ever stop?

Im 29(f) been married to my husband (37M) for 11 years. He never lets me on his phone. It’s locked and I noticed one day that his WhatsApp also has a passcode on it. He always says “if you want to see I’ll show you”but if you’ll let me see and have no problem with me seeing why not leave it unlocked? I know one day when he left it open I passed by and saw it open and he flew to grab it from me and was laughing but a nervous laugh and really wanted it back… I’ve always trusted him but why would he act like that?

Tl;dr husband acts suspicious with his phone

From this list alone, do you think this marriage is over?
I’m (29F) husband is (37M)

- never make out during intimacy
- he always says I don’t listen
- says I ruin the moment during intimacy when I say ouch or show any sign I’m in pain when I tell him be gentle I’m not ready
- blames me for things he sees in our kids that is negative
- says I should have chose IT coding instead of medical coding “I told you choose something that’s guaranteed to work anywhere in the world if we move and gets you good money” when I finally found something I loved
- says I am supposed to make breakfast for him when he leaves for work but when I do I am doing it wrong. I cut things the wrong way, I don’t roll the bread the right way, I don’t wrap it in the plastic wrap the right way. Or even just cooking I’m not doing it the right way… which is his way.
- he’s had issues keeping an erection.. recently he said because there’s no love, I don’t know if he said that out of being angry or if he actually meant it but I’ve always known it can’t be from stress if he can make it erect himself.
- I moved to another country with our two kids to learn arabic while he stayed in the states to work. It was my choice but the other day I told him it would be nice to feel appreciated and hear something positive he said “oh yeah cause you have it so hard there.. everyone there gets you what you need you’re not alone renting a house alone.” When I’m the one taking care of his two kids for the last 18 months.
- I’ve noticed light stains in his underwear over the years not always but sometimes and he wouldn’t shower everyday so I always wondered how can I be spontaneous
- he is still resentful for me discussing our issues with anyone close to me, he always brings it up about hygiene things I’ve mentioned to them and I’ve told him I’m sorry so many times and I do regret exposing him.
- when we first got together I was getting off high doses of meds and just moved to a forgein country no family with me, he would be sweet and try to improve my mood and take me out and make dinner sometimes. He said he tried in the beginning to “fix or change” my ocd and depression. But he said it didn’t work and someone gets tired of it. Idk if he meant tired of trying or tired of the mental health issues. Idk.

I’m not perfect in any way. I have my own issues but I do apologize, he rarely if ever does. I’ve cried myself to sleep just waiting for him to show he loves me. He has done little things but there’s more negative than positive.

Im going to my parents for the summer. Which he has an issue about. When I decided to take the kids to Jordan, he told me ok for one summer you stay there instead of going to your family. I agreed but after being in Jordan for 9 months by myself I needed a break. He said I broke the deal. And now he wanted me to stay this summer and he said I'm not listening and broke the deal again. I told him I didn't sign a contract, it's my right to have a break and enjoy myself. I've worked so hard teaching my kids all of their subjects in Arabic when I don't even fluently speak it!
Imagine how difficult it is while taking care of them alone. I told him instead if you saying yes you worked hard you deserve to go enjoy yourself, no you tell me l don't listen and broke the deal. He said yeah it's supposed to be you ask and if I say no you don't go.
I think partly he has resentment thinking I choose my family over him.

Tl;dr 11 year marriage, no affection