M y ex, who was a FA and who, I think, had a traumatic relationship with her ex, left me overnight, in less than an hour, even though her ex—with whom she apparently had never lost contact—had clearly told her that he wanted them to get back together, whilst, in her own words, I was her healthiest and most secure relationship, and that she’d never had an emotional connection like that before, but at the same time, sometimes she’d look for excuses to leave. She’d already told me that I gave her the healthy love and security her father hadn’t given her, so did she think her feelings were biased?! lol It doesn’t make sense when you feel secure, but anyway… I think she went back to what she knew and to instability, because her connection was still active.
It’s as if she has two states within her: one that’s active and one that’s regulated – the one I fell in love with, In the regulated state, she’s aware of her trauma and her coping mechanisms; she has a traumatic attachment and wants to break free, but in the activated state, she switches in an instant if her ex speaks to her, and nothing else matters except relieving her internal state, and the only way to do that is to reach out to her ex… We had plans; we were due to go to London the following week. It was three days before my birthday, and then everything changed. I got up to go to work, I gave her a kiss; she was still affectionate in her messages, and suddenly she snapped when her ex messaged her, and she left my place within an hour, thinking it was normal that was the last time I’d see her that morning, and she blocked me everywhere. Once she got home, after a 30-minute phone call where she was cold, I haven’t heard from her since. To be honest, I haven’t tried to contact her. Every time she’s done this sort of thing (not to this extent) in the past, I’ve never chased after her; she’d come back on her own. but this time I know she won’t come back (at least probably not now, if she ever does) given that her ex is there… I want to focus on myself, but i want a advixe from a FA on this or someone that alredy lived this, do you tjnik she will regret one day?
y ex, who was a FA and who, I think, had a traumatic relationship with her ex, left me overnight, in less than an hour, even though her ex—with whom she apparently had never lost contact—had clearly told her that he wanted them to get back together, whilst, in her own words, I was her healthiest and most secure relationship, and that she’d never had an emotional connection like that before, but at the same time, sometimes she’d look for excuses to leave. She’d already told me that I gave her the healthy love and security her father hadn’t given her, so did she think her feelings were biased?! lol It doesn’t make sense when you feel secure, but anyway… I think she went back to what she knew and to instability, because her connection was still active.
It’s as if she has two states within her: one that’s active and one that’s regulated – the one I fell in love with, In the regulated state, she’s aware of her trauma and her coping mechanisms; she has a traumatic attachment and wants to break free, but in the activated state, she switches in an instant if her ex speaks to her, and nothing else matters except relieving her internal state, and the only way to do that is to reach out to her ex… We had plans; we were due to go to London the following week. It was three days before my birthday, and then everything changed. I got up to go to work, I gave her a kiss; she was still affectionate in her messages, and suddenly she snapped when her ex messaged her, and she left my place within an hour, thinking it was normal that was the last time I’d see her that morning, and she blocked me everywhere. Once she got home, after a 30-minute phone call where she was cold, I haven’t heard from her since. To be honest, I haven’t tried to contact her. Every time she’s done this sort of thing (not to this extent) in the past, I’ve never chased after her; she’d come back on her own. but this time I know she won’t come back (at least probably not now, if she ever does) given that her ex is there… I want to focus on myself