u/Excellent_Sock4592

Asking for a friend.

My friend who is 27M now, had a friend 1.5 years who he met through matrimonial app. They talked for like 3-4 months, my friend liked her but wanted some more time before saying yes to marriage. But the girl was like she don’t want to be in situation where they date for a year and then part their ways. She liked my friend too and was ready for the marriage. But my friend didn’t want to hurry and they parted their ways. Girl’s parents found a match for her. Girl messaged my friend that her parents found a guy for her and she talked to him who looks like a good match. my friend said he’s happy for her and said good luck and they ended on good note. She got married and my friend & that girl were never in touch in since then, they got disconnected on social media as well when she got married.

Now fast forward, 1.5 years later my friend got a message from the girl that her marriage is not going well. She said she still remembers him and wished that they would have been together. My friend likes her and they have been talking for sometime now. The girl wants to divorce her current partner whether they end up together or not. But my friend is little confused that the girl only reached out to him bc her marriage didn’t go well otherwise she would have never called him. He don’t want to have this thought that he’s a second choice for the rest of his life. But my friend and she go really well, my friend really liked her earlier but just wanted some more time. What would you do in this situation? What do you guys think?

Divorce reason: They don’t get along, they are quite opposite.. the guy is not emotionally available for her. Also the guy is indian but born and raised in US and girl is raised in India but did her college in US. So that’s where the differences is coming from. If anyone interested, The finances are not issues as such the guy(husband) is pretty rich and even the girls family is pretty rich too. On the other hand my friend is pretty good too but not as par with them so finances are not the issue for the divorce here just for the clarity.

Tl;dr: need advice what should he do?

Asking for a friend.

My friend who is 27M now, had a friend 1.5 years who he met through matrimonial app. They talked for like 3-4 months, my friend liked her but wanted some more time before saying yes to marriage. But the girl was like she don’t want to be in situation where they date for a year and then part their ways. She liked my friend too and was ready for the marriage. But my friend didn’t want to hurry and they parted their ways. Girl’s parents found a match for her. Girl messaged my friend that her parents found a guy for her and she talked to him who looks like a good match. my friend said he’s happy for her and said good luck and they ended on good note. She got married and my friend & that girl were never in touch in since then, they got disconnected on social media as well when she got married.

Now fast forward, 1.5 years later my friend got a message from the girl that her marriage is not going well. She said she still remembers him and wished that they would have been together. My friend likes her and they have been talking for sometime now. The girl wants to divorce her current partner whether they end up together or not. But my friend is little confused that the girl only reached out to him bc her marriage didn’t go well otherwise she would have never called him. He don’t want to have this thought that he’s a second choice for the rest of his life. But my friend and she go really well, my friend really liked her earlier but just wanted some more time. What would you do in this situation? What do you guys think?

Divorce reason: They don’t get along, they are quite opposite.. the guy is not emotionally available for her. Also the guy is indian but born and raised in US and girl is raised in India but did her college in US. So that’s where the differences is coming from. If anyone interested, The finances are not issues as such the guy(husband) is pretty rich and even the girls family is pretty rich too. On the other hand my friend is pretty good too but not as par with them so finances are not the issue for the divorce here just for the clarity.

Im 28 and my wife is 27. We are living in US. We had an arranged marriage and have been married for about 2 years now. I feel like Im stuck, may be she also feel the same.
The problem I face in my marriage is that she is not working and i feel like she doesn’t want to either. She was working in IT in India before marriage, worked for like 3 years and had to resign because she had to move to US and had no work authorization. I always wanted my partner to be working, not just for finances but so that she is occupied too and have some goals in life. She’s home all the time, doesn’t have any social life besides me. I communicated with her about this like million times that she should get a job and have goals in life so that she can grow. She agrees and prepares for 3-4 days then just forget about it and repeats the same.
I had this discussion before marriage that I want my partner to be working, she was like that she also wants to keep working even after marriage and she is ambitious & don’t want to be a house wife. We had same education, both engineers so I felt like we are very much aligned.
Now its been little more than 2 years, she got her green card 6-7 months ago but she’s nowhere near having a job. Whenever i have discussion, she agrees to it but do nothing. I ask her she did btech what for.. to be a housewife? Sometimes she just gaslights me that I put money first and for me job/work is everything. She’s kind of pseudo feminist type.

My parents don’t stay with us but visits us for few months. I get saas-bahu things so I just tell both sides to don’t take everything seriously, learn letting go. My wife is big overthinker, she creates big issues out of small things. She’s all the time be like you mom said this thing, your dad said this etc etc. Im like you should learn letting things go and if you had a job you wouldn’t be fighting over these silly things, you would have better things to focus on.

I feel like she being not working is the cause of many of our problems. All I want her is to have some social life besides the home and have some life goals. I talked to her mother as well and she also agreed that she should be working and will talk to her but no progress. Sometimes she’s like she didn’t get the time but she completes whole Netflix series in a day or two. When i say all these things, this just becomes another topic and we have non-stop fights.

Im not saying im perfect, she communicated to me about the things she is missing and I worked on those. Like i was not proactive with surprises, gifts, etc etc.. I worked on that stuff. Im the one who plans everything like our trips, weekend plans. I feel like im in the driver seat of everything, if I don’t anything then the problem is me.
At this point im so done. I feel like i got 2 options here: make peace with this and accept her being a housewife. 2nd is get split.

Even right now when im writing this, she has time to study but she’s on phone gossiping with her friends 😩 then she complains she didn’t get the time.

I’ve scheduled a therapy as well bc im so stressed and burnt out. Has anyone been in situation like this? Is my expectation wrong that i want her to be working?

Note: im working in FAANG and makes really good money so its just about finances.

Edit: To add more i dont have issues with her not working, the real problem is her being not putting any efforts to fix when she understands the problem and agree on my face that she should work and have some life.
Regarding household chores, i already help a lot in household chores. Like i do bathroom cleaning, vaccum, sometimes dishes, help with cooking on weekends, groceries we do together. After she’s gonna have a job(if) i will def help more.