u/Evening-Chicken828

(Context: AuDHD)

The older I get, the more I notice the differences between me and the people around me. But lately social interactions have been bothering me more than usual.

I can't help but feel like something is lacking whenever I try to have a conversation with my peers, for example. For some reason I expected people to be passionate, curious, and interactive, but they're just not like that. I can't see it, I can't feel it.

I'm an intense person, and I believed other people were also like that. Because how can you not want to engange deeply in anything? I feel like I can't have an enjoyable conversation with barely anyone because they all seem so shallow and distant.

I hate small talk, it feels artificial and awkward, and uninteresting. I enjoy talking about meaningful stuff like:

Getting to know them; their opinions and perspectives on how they see the world; their ambitions and motives; their goals in life and what inspires them; their passions; theories and abstract concepts; experiences and feelings; etc.

But people around me seem to not comprehend that level of depth, and when I initiate a conversation about these sort of topics they usually give vague answers, or say they don't know how to respond. That's so boring to me, like how can you not know those things about yourself? Is it not common for people to think about things like that?

Even when it comes to showing interest, I don't feel their will to communicate. Is my perception of effort different from theirs? Sometimes they confuse me a lot, even with all the things I've learned.

Maybe it's just that I have a more complex way of thinking or something, but finding people who share similar interests, depth or traits is very hard. And often makes me think I can't deepen my relationships because of it.

I talk a lot, especially if I'm invested in a topic, but people get tired before I can say everything I need to say. I don't blame them for it, but it upsets me that I can't mantain a convo with them.

I'd like to know if anyone feels the same way I do and what should I do about it? Any tips or explanations?

Hello, I don't really know how I should start this post. But this thought has been in my head for a while now, and these past few days I've spent researching on giftedness so I could try and figure out an explanation or an answer.

Just to get it out of the way, for context: I'm 18yo, late diagnosed with AuDHD, with an IQ score below 130 (more specifically 113 IQ). The purpose of this post is not to sound pretentious or self-diagnose, it's more of a rant/looking for advice. I figured talking to people who experience giftedness would be a much more effective way than letting it consume me.

The idea of being different has haunted me my entire life. Since a very young age people around me knew something was unusual about me. They frequently showed me through compliments or bullying that they were aware of it, and I never understood why. It all only began to make sense once I got diagnosed for the first time with ADHD and later autism (already in highschool).

These diagnosis came really late for me, taking in consideration I spent 3/4 years being followed and passed on through many professionals. I am still in therapy until today and my diagnosis has never been closed. It began with profound depression and anxiety; then ADHD with suspicions of humor disorder; and now AuDHD.

Through my research on what it means to be gifted, and based on everything I have read, I can easily relate to every single trait that describes someone who is gifted; except I cannot be considered gifted because I don't have 130 IQ. And this is something that (I can't lie) frustrates and confuses me a lot.

I don't want to sound arrogant and tell my therapist I think I am gifted bc I don't want to seem like "Oh I'm so full of myself and I know more than you!"

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO ABOUT IT. Once I get something in my head I can't get it out until I get an 100% certain answer, so I am often told I'm being too obsessed and that I think too much. LIKE AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT CARE? Just thinking about it pisses me off.

I've asked my therapist if I could be considered gifted without having 130+ IQ and she told me I couldn't, even if I excell in certain areas (except my processing speed being below average, most likely related to ADHD).

I personally think it's ridiculous to define someone simply through a test and some numbers. Especially due to the fact the results are very dependent on external factors, which can make them vary. I could remake the test plenty of times and get a different result in each one of them. I know that IQ tests don't evaluate every type of intelligence, nor areas such as creativity, emotional, etc. In my perspective, it wouldn't be enough to label someone. I don't know if I was just affected by my diagnosis bc I know multiple exceptionality exists, or if together they just really look like giftedness. Fact is the more I read, the more I see myself in it, and I can't unsee it. My whole life is there, all the struggles I've spent years facing are just there, and that's what frustrates me so much.

I thought of putting together a whole list of those characteristics with examples to try proving my point to my therapist or psychiatrist. Would it be a good idea, or would it sound desperate? I'm open to different points of view and advice. If anyone could help me, I'd be very much thankful.

I sound ridiculous in this post, I know. Don't shame me 🥹