u/Ethereal_Rift62

I (25F) went on a work trip for 3 days. My ex of 2.5 years (26M) and I were fine. He doesn’t express/process emotions well so it’s led to difficulties with communication in the past but overall seemed fine and we were making a lot of improvement (he was even secretly planning a proposal). I get back and we bicker over money. He was going out a lot while I was gone. He spends the night at a guy friend’s house, comes back, dumps me and leaves. He won’t talk to me asides from saying he couldn’t stand arguing. I asked when these feelings came up and he said it was a few days ago and he didn’t realize until he was alone I wasn’t what he wanted. Super cold and dismissive and telling me he doesn’t want to hear or see or speak or associate with me. Tells other people it’s “nagging” or “He got spooked” and he didn’t realize he wasn’t ready. He needs to find himself. Feels suffocated. Turns out this guy he spent the night with was actually a girl he met while I was on my work trip, so he knew her a whole of 5 days before moving in with her the day he dumped me. Can someone explain what this is? Cold feet? Commitment panic? Detachment? Is he just a POS? He’s with this new girl and they have everything in common. Did he really just get tired of me? I’m just struggling to make sense of it all.

Asking mainly for my own understanding. My ex of 2.5 years dumped me while planning a proposal with our families. I went on a 3 day work trip and he said he realized it just wasn’t what he wanted. But his love for me has never faded. He will not look at me or talk to me asides from logistics about our lease. Very cold. Been involved with his kid since she was 1. Hit me out of nowhere. Has anyone else felt this way about a partner before? How did you grieve when you dumped them? Did you have phases? Just trying to make sense of it all.

Me (25F) and my ex (26M) dated for 2.5 years and he broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago. He planned on proposing to me in June secretly. The only thing he really said briefly while getting his stuff was he still loved me just as much but is done trying to work on our relationship (he left during an argument. We used to argue often in 2024 but it’s uncommon now). From what I understand, he’s narrowed it down to others as he’s tired of nagging and doesn’t want the responsibilities/stress of a house and marriage and things he wasn’t ready for (which we did not have to do right now. We planned it jointly). I moved 2 hours away from my hometown for him and when he was approved for the apartment, he demanded to know immediately how everything was going to be split or whether I was keeping the house. It had only been 4-5 days since the breakup, so I did not know. He demanded an answer and said he needed it to be over now. I reiterated I didn’t have an answer. He then said I better have an answer by May. I asked if we could speak about logistics in person and he refused stating there were no logistics to talk about. We are both on the lease. His name is on my car. We have 2 dogs. Most of the stuff in the house we bought together. I offered the house to him and his daughter that weekend. He came in and turned all the photos around but didn’t throw them away. I spoke to my job who said they could not transfer me by May. Next week, I said I had no choice but to finish the lease and he agreed to discuss logistics in person. When he got there, he refused to sit on the couch and when he finally did, he dipped the bill of his hat down where he couldn’t see me and occasionally sat on his phone. I said I couldn’t afford his half of it. His plan was for either of us to pay for it with our paychecks and cover the deficit for other things we needed with our respective savings because he can’t afford it either (which I was absolutely not going to do). We discussed different options and none worked. He made passive aggressive comments about having to sleep on a friend’s couch but there is a spare bedroom here. The whole time he was just as short, blunt and passive aggressive as he has been over the phone. I didn’t react or pursue and kept it about the house. I brought up cohabitating because at this point I just want to protect my credit and not get sued. That was shot down immediately but it has been the most feasible option asides from him just paying his half and living somewhere else. He began pacing around the house before saying there was nothing to talk about, there was no point in being there, said I’d have an answer by Sunday, walked out and slammed the door. He texted the next day asking about splitting stuff which was already discussed. He reiterated he wasn’t cohabitating and I can’t leave so he has no choice but to pay his half of the lease until December and just “live no where.”

Can anyone who has dumped an ex explain this to me if you’ve felt this before? We were doing so well. By all accounts from everyone in his social circle he was so excited to propose and doesn’t speak negatively about me. We were still just as intimate with one another. There was no observable shift in behavior until the breakup. He has never, ever ever talked to me the way he does now. He’s been cold, dismissive and avoidant of most things to the point he’s throwing out irrational ideas like me paying for the house with my savings account or asking family for money (he’s hyper independent so he’d never personally do that himself). I don’t escalate and I don’t bring up the relationship. He says he wants to be untied to everything regarding me and he needs it over immediately. He is hyper-fixated on an exit when there is no need to be. He’s posting nostalgic things on social media about the relationship but you’d think I smashed his dad given the way he talked to me. It’s terrible. And no, I truly don’t believe there was any cheating at all. What goes on in your head when this happens? He’s never been good at expressing his emotions so I’m trying to make our interactions calm and amicable but existing in his presence makes him this way.