u/Ethanpark69420

I (19M) have had a weird situationship with a girl (20F) for over 8 months now. Let's call her Claire.

Last year, some of my old "friends" went behind my back and made up a bunch of rumors about me and Claire when I had a crush on her while she just viewed me as a friend. Fast forward earlier to this year, Claire admitted that she liked me back and decided to date me disecretly.

However, she kept backing out of the relationship as she was too anxious about the "friends" noticing us and making up rumors all over again. We broke up and got back together multiple times over the course of twk months (sometimes I reached out first, sometimes she did). Each time it broke ny heart and she told me it broke her heart too but she couldn't handle the stress. I didn't really see how breaking up made anything better but I didn't want anything to go sour so I always said okay. I would also always cling onto her.

Whenever my heart got broken I would reach out to friends and family to vent and get advice. I would never bad mouth her as she did treat me very well and it did seem like the love was mutual. However, friends and family always told me to move on that she did not like me enough to commit or she was just "using" me. My mother would call her names and really hated her as she didnt like seeing me go through hard times. I always defended Claire though.

Last week, we were dating again when she was going through my phone and saw the texts from my mom that were filled with swears about her telling me I should move on cus she was using me for attention and she didnt like me back enough. Claire started getting angry about how I made her look bad to my friends and family and that I gave her a "bad reputation" and that she now doesn't even want to be near me and that her "feelings" have all faded away.

I kept apologising that I didnt "defend" her and that I was sorry for telling my friends and family but she kept telling me that there is no way she is going back to the way things were and she doesn't like me anymore.

As our previous relationship was secret, another guy started showing interest towards her and she kept telling me how he also treated her very well and how they were very close to dating etc etc.

Claire also never blocked me although she keeps telling me she's over me and that she hates me now and does respond to my texts in the early morning and night like we're dating the way we were.

I feel blatantly disrespected the way she has treated me all this time for breaking my heart over and over again for reasons I feel are invalid. I also think she's gaslighting me for getting help from my family and friends and somehow turning the blame on me how our relationship couldnt end up. She definitely enjoys my attention and love that I keep giving her no matter what as she wouldve blocked me by now if she did hate me. I feel so disrespected that somehow it's my fault that she now hates me when she is the one who couldnt commit to the relationship and kept consciously hurting me over and over again yet it's all my fault and she walks away guilt free cus Im the one who gave her a bad reputation and screwed her over.

I still find myself hopelessly attached to her and keep blaming myself for "ruining" things and it's probably because she's the only "close" friend I have and it's been so hard to move on

Hi, I'm (19M) currently in a situationship with a girl (20F) who is a bit overly concerned about what others might think of her. Specifically, she's too concerned about some of our "mutual" friends who made up rumors about us last year that I have since cut off completely and she is currently on awkward terms on.

She does say that she likes me back and I do believe it as she isn't interested in other guys and she isn't really taking advantage of me (paying for meals, preparing presents, explicitly expressing her love for me). When we spend times with each other it really does feel like we're dating and I feel like I'm having the time of my life. We have also gotten physically intimate and generally do what couples do.

However, she has gotten "scared" and tried to cut me off multiple times, saying that she can't commit to a relationship with me. She's also too afraid of being seen together on campus as the news might get to the old "friends" and cause her to be anxious. However since we share a lot of classes in uni we always get back together (sometimes I reach out sometimes she reaches out). She still insists that we cant get into a relationship because she's tired of always caring what others think

I have continuously tried to convince and cheer her up on this and tried to communicate with her a lot. However she still says it's too much of a burden on her but still reaches out and cares for me. I don't want to force her into a relationship or try to convince her any further (as that doesnt really change her heart or belief). I also don't want to move on or give up because she is that special to me and I have a really hard time processing break ups (please only advise this a last resort).

What should I do? I think she's overreacting to a lot of stuff but I do respect her anxiety but she doesn't want to (or can't) seem to change. Should I just give her some more time and space between dates?

Please refrain from calling her out in a bad light..