My husband [28M] and myself [26F] have been together for 7 years, 4 years of marriage. I recently found out that he has a porn addiction and masturbates since he was 10 years old. He never addressed this when we were dating/ engaged for a year, 2 times before this discovery I had seen him comment on another’s woman posts about her body (she looks nothing like me) I had told me that hurt me and he apologized. Last year around September I found on his phone again that he was looking at different woman’s pages and also looking his ex up, i brought it to his attention again and he apologized and told me to forgive him and that he could stop. At that time we hadn’t been intimate in a month and we never really were that intimate, maybe once a week if that despite that we don’t have children yet. Afterwards Everything got better (so i thought) we started been more intimate and getting along better, I would bring up what I saw on his phone here and there but not trying to fight more like “you probably looking at other women’s pages and pleasing yourself” he would said he doesn’t do that and get so defensive about it.
Couple days ago I went through his phone and saw he had porn videos saved in his files, I brought it up to him and he got defensive and said that he didn’t do it. He told me that was a long time ago (the date was 2024), we got married in 2022. He was been really defensive about it and said he didn’t even know how they got there. I was upset and demanded him to be honest with me and he told me “what do you want me to do, apologize? I already apologized for it last time we had this conversation”. I feel really disrespected and feel like he was invading my feelings, we argue more about it. The next day after we were arguing about it again, I asked him to be honest with me and tell me the last time he watched and masturbated. That’s when we confessed that we had an addiction to those videos and that he didn’t remember when was the last time, he said it was on around January/February. I was shocked and hurt because we had a fight about the same situation and he promised he had stopped. Another day passed by and I pretty much demanded him to be honest with me because deep down I knew he wasn’t, that’s when he told me that he has been addicted to porn videos since he was 10. He told me last time he watched and masturbated it was the day I found out about it, he said he does it once or twice per week since the age of 10 (more frequently than been intimate with me) and that what triggers it is the woman in his social media. I discovered by going on his iPad that he also looks up bikinis on Amazon to see females. This hurt me so much and I started questioning if anything was real, if I was not woman enough for him. He promised to stop this time, he said he was now understood it was a problem and he was going to seek for professional help but deep down I want to believe him this time but I can’t, he promised the same thing in the past and lied to me. I told him his promises didn’t meant anything to me anymore that I needed to see actions and told him to see a therapist. He already has deleted his socials because I asked him to, booked an appointment with a therapist for next week and he said he downloaded a blocker app I send him. Right now I told him I needed space to really think this through and send him to sleep in a different room. We are going no to minimum contact for the next couple of days, I told him to really sit with himself and asked himself if he is truly happy in this relationship or just got comfortable, why is he doing those things, what is he going to do to actually change. Also adding that I’m his first and he is mine, I’m taking the time to really think if I’m capable of trusting him again and help him recover but I’m scared he is going to lie again, this really made me question my self worth and if he is really sexually attractive to me sine I have a flat chest and the woman’s he be masturbating to have big breast. He knew before marrying me that this was my biggest insecurity but he always made me feel loved and told me I was perfect the way I was but he is
watching porn and masturbating to big boobs.
Should I give him another chance to prove he really wants to change or just leave?
Tl;dr He was being addicted to porn and masturbating since age of 10. This is affecting our sex life and my trust in him since he had lied about it and got defensive over it another 2 times before this one. Now he said he wants to change and has scheduled an appointment with a therapist. What hurts the most is the type of woman he be watching and masturbating too look nothing like my body type which he is aware is a big insecurity to me.