u/EqualOpportunity5405

Problem/Goal: Bakit ba hinayang na hinayang kayong mga martir at di nyo kayang bumitiw sa isang relasyong kahit kayo na lang ang nagmamahal; walang ng respeto, at lantarang abuse (physically, emotionally, and financially). And as always ang laging litanya ay "Hihintayin ko na lang na maubos ako. Para sa huli wala akong pagsisisihan kasi alam kong ginawa ko ang lahat".

Gusto ko muna itanong sa inyong mga martir, hindi nyo ba pinagsisisihan na inubos nyo ung mga taon ng buhay nyo sa isang taong di kayo kayang mahalin ng tama? Hindi ba kayo nagsisisi at tinulak nyo ung mga kaibigan nyo, tinalikuran nyo ung pamilya nyo, ung mga taong totoong nagmamahal sa inyo at nakasama nyo simula pagkabata para lang sa isang taong sa huli e iiwan at sasaktan lang kayo? Pinanghihinayangan nyo ung mga taon na nakasama nyo ang isang taong pinag-alayan nyo ng lahat pero di naman kayang suklian. Kaya ang ending, hirap na hirap magsimula ulit kasi nasimot ka, wala ka na maibigay kasi nga inubos mo ung sarili mo at kung dumating na ung tamang tao para sayo, di ka na makapagbigay kasi wala ng natira.

My advice: Sabi nga ni Iyanla Vanzant

"You need to keep your cup full. My cup runneth over. What comes out of cup is for y'all, what's in the cup is mine. But I need to keep my cup full."

Hindi masamang magmahal pero kung nagiging selfish ka na dahil sa pagmamahal na yan, na ung tipong sinasagasaan na ang buong pagkatao mo pero wala lang sayo baka nga deserve ng isang martir ang magdusa. Selfish ang pagpili na magstay kahit alam mong di ka na mahal. Wag mong isipin na espesyal ka na baka kapag nagtiis ako, makikita nya din ung effort ko at balang araw mamahalin nya din ako. Gumising kayo sa kahibangan nyo, kung magbabago yan nung una palang.

Hindi din kakulangan ang pagiging single. Wag tayong atat na pumasok o manatili sa isang relasyon kahit alam mong mali na. Akala nyo naman mauubusan kayo ng lalaki/babae sa mundong to. At kung walang dumating, e ano ngayon?

Di hamak naman na mas maganda na single kesa nasa relasyon ka nga pero bawat araw na ginawa ng diyos nagdudusa ka naman.

I recall someone explaining to me why she was unable to leave her partner who was abusing her financially, emotionally, and physically on a regular basis. That in spite of all the reasons she could have left him, she stayed and continued to show him all the love she could give. In her defense, at least she knew she had done everything she could and had no regrets. She was waiting till she had nothing else to offer. And when that day finally comes, she may finally be able to let him go.

I just looked at her when she told me all she had been keeping inside. After a moment, I spoke and told her this.

"Do you not regret the years you wasted on a person who couldn't love you the same way? Do you not regret leaving, pushing away the people who truly loved you and wanted nothing but your happiness? Do you not regret that by the time you walked away from him, you'll found out soon enough that there's nothing left for you? No friends, no family, because you pushed them all away just to be with him. That maybe because there's nothing left for you to give, you might not be able to give love anymore to another person; the one who truly deserves it."

It was pure silence after that then I left her. We never saw each other again after that.

We were good friends, but I also reached my breaking point like the others. I realized there's no point in helping someone when they don't want your help at all. And there's no reason for me to continue being friends with someone who valued her abuser more than herself.

She didn't deseved the pain in the beginning but she deserved it when she stayed.

Would you have done the same thing?