u/EnvironmentalLong414

Hey everyone,

Feeling at a bit of a loss.

My partner (36M) was subject to Domestic Violence for a period of 8 years - 2013-2021 by his ex partner (30F)

They had 2 kids together which significantly worsened the extent of the violence.

They have been through family court (2023) and settled on Final Consent Orders, my partner was not in his right mind at the time and was in a mental health facility only days prior to the final hearing and in a moment of high stress and anxiety he felt cornered and settled on her having full custody and only seeing the kids every third weekend and half of school holidays.

Since family court, I finally convinced him to pursue actual legal action against her for the abuse because so much of it wasn’t included in his court affidavits which he was preparing with a lawyer. I only came into his life a few months before the final court orders and due to other legal proceedings regarding property settlement, we had to relocate 3 hours away from where the children originally resided. Prior to the final court orders he had the children 4 nights and she had them 3 nights. We knew relocating would not be ideal for the children but we were genuinely priced out of the rental market, and he had to sell his house for settlement.

Some of the abuse includes but is not limited to
-coercive control, threats to harm herself or the children if he didn’t return home from work, or from wherever he was
-assaults including throwing water glasses at him, physically attacking him to try to remove his car keys from his ignition when he tried to leave their premises, reversing a car while he was hugging the children, throwing him to the ground and knocking him out, hitting, slapping, the lot
-verbal abuse both over text and in person
-psychological abuse, trying to refuse contact with his family, constant accusations, constant threats
-2 staged suicide attempts
-serious self harm inflicted in front of him and the children
-significant property damage of sentimental items, smashing his newly restored project car with a hammer, holes in the walls of the house, doors ripped off, drawer faces ripped off
- so, so much more

There isn’t one thing I have listed above that he doesn’t have extensive proof and evidence of. This includes several independent witnesses, photos, video surveillance, and more.

He had an advo taken out on her in 2021 to protect himself and the children, and more recently an advo put into place in 2024 to protect the children.

We have sat down with a local police officer and showed him the extent of the abuse, but never did he collect any evidence, he came back to us and said the prosecutor would be happy to lay charges for the car reversing incident captured on cctv and the threatening messages/harassment.

Though it’s been around 4 months and we have heard nothing. The children seem to be doing okay since 2024 when the second advo was put into place, but generally speaking she is an incredibly manipulative, controlling and violent individual.

She seems to have a good lawyer, which I think is where my partner falls short, relying extensively on legal aid lawyers. He would no longer be eligible for legal aid so it’s critical that any court proceedings we take on in the future are successful. I truly can’t understand how justice has not been served yet.

Most situations she tends to twist things to suit her agenda and is good at cleverly wording things to sound sophisticated and honest, but she’s far from it.

My question is - what can we do ourselves to ensure that we can actually have the domestic violence seen in court and documented appropriately by police to ensure we have grounds to return to family court?

If it means compiling all evidence, collecting statements from witnesses, and writing reports ourselves, we will do it, whatever it takes. But every time we go and try to take action it tends to just fizzle away into nothing and everyone quietly removes themselves from any responsibility. It is disheartening and traumatising to my partner every time he has to recollect these events only to be met with systematic failures time and time again.

What is going to be the thing that makes a police officer look at us and say ohhh okay they’re serious?? The children are quiet, won’t talk about their mum anymore because at the end of the day they have been failed too. After extremely serious allegations in 2024, the children were interviewed by police, withheld by us, and eventually returned to her screaming and pleading not to be. It’s heartbreaking. All the police “could do” was implement another basic advo which does not protect their rights in a way we need them to be.

She withholds phone calls if ever we have a disagreement, she refuses the children extra contact if they request it, she won’t allow them to call if she has disciplined them, and is constantly twisting and changing the implication of court orders to suit her own schedule. Every single holiday time she comes back with new rules and insists it’s what the orders outline and will twist the words to suit her agenda. We have simply stopped engaging with this and we map out our calendar for the year and refuse any changes because we simply can’t have a good coparenting relationship without her pushing the boundaries and trying to limit our time with the children.

It’s not fair that my partner (who never perpetrated or retaliated against the abuse, and she has never claimed otherwise) has his children every third weekend while she has them almost full time and refuses to tell us anything including medical problems, school achievements, extracurricular information, anything. She treats the children like they are hers only and he is an accessory to them.

What can we do? We are so, so defeated. I know there is an unspoken stigma against male victims with female perpetrators, but this is about as real as it gets. I can’t justify how she still participates in the community and has felt absolutely NO consequences from her actions. We need help.

Hey there, I’m an autistic baddie and my special interest in mushrooms and mycology has well developed over the past year. I am an avid gardener and love everything cultivation. With the help of some very in depth conversations, my partner has agreed to us buying a nice set up so I can grow and study mushrooms for fun (I’m pretty sure he just wants me to shut up tbh)

I know the basic information regarding how mushrooms grow, mycelium, spores etc, but I’m wondering if anyone has any information about how I can go about getting a good set up going and finding some suppliers for specifically liquid cultures/grain etc.

To abide by the rules, I am NOT looking for specific links or anything like that. Just merely some general guidance about how I could go about finding this information alternatively. I’m really really excited to be here and love seeing these posts come up on my page!!

Thank you in advance 🥰