u/EntrepreneurOne0099

I am AuDHD. I posted a rant in a women space and some people choose to attack my social justice sensitivity as purity tests. For context, I absolutely dislike when people around me are silent about harm done to women and minorities. I dont care if they are current with politics but if they cannot standup for vulnerable people in their group esp women (in whatever capacity be it 1:1 or publicly or supportive messages), they lose my respect. I know some people are afraid, choose not to talk but they also dont pretend the person harming as right. I respect that. I am esp annoyed when women flock towards men who make harmful comments about women. It is a betrayal. Someone pointed out in that post that I should look for more ND friends as I am ND.

I was diagnosed this year, so I am learning still. I want to hear other people's experience here esp if you are sensitive to social justice. Below are my values. I am unwilling compromise on this for the sake of having people around me. I am tired of being bullied and expected to keep quiet at the same time get no support. What is the point of that friendship? What do you think about the list? How did you find reliable friendship ? I can find people to attend parties. That isnt what I want.

- Integrity over popularity
- Courage to confront harm
- Consistency between values and actions
- Empathy toward vulnerable people
- Accountability over forced neutrality

Edit : Thank you for the responses. Looks like society accepts shaming, molesting and other aggressive hurtful things towards women. I am just shocked to see that women in general do not want to standup for their friends in such cases. It is eye opening for me that it is considered as an abnormal expectation. I learnt something today. I will be more cautious with women friendships going forward.

Hi,

I am very angry and sad while I post this. Over the years I have tried everything to build good female friendship. I am at the end of my wits. I have tried starting my own women's group , joining existing groups. The ending is the same. I exit the group when I know no one is a girl's girl. Recent group story : A guy cheated multiple times on his girlfriend. She left her job and packed her bags to move across the country to be with him. She got to know about his cheating through another friend while she was moving. She also belongs to the same group btw. The disgusting part is everyone in the group continue to be friends with the guy like nothing happened. He apologized once or twice. Even people who were not close to him, now hang out with him. I am genuinely disgusted that these people don't have any empathy for the woman. I am AuDHD and it makes me feel repulsed by such behaviors and I have 0 respect for them.

This is not the first time such things have happened. When men make incel-adjacent comments on women, if I call out, I am labeled over-reactive. Everyone starts avoiding me as I am disturbing the harmony. Even women too. It makes me even more sad. I expect women to support it, instead they pretend there is no problem at all. They avoid conversations and build social currency with the same man who make these comments.

I recently made a substack post on how society looks away at women's pain and this is why a man on an island got away with anything and everything. Society just wants to look at how such men can benefit them instead of keeping them accountable. It did not perform well. Not that I am surprised.

Anyway, I digress. I want to find reliable women. I stand for people and I expect that from people. I am tired of excusing toxic behaviors as "life is tough" and "ambiguous to take sides".

Edit :

Thanks to u/keevathemuffin. I will look for more Neurodivergent friendships. My last career and education rarely attract NDs. So most people around me are not NDs. The only person who was an ND friend, we got along great and deeply cared for women. I lost her to BPD. I will set out and find more ND friends who aren't afraid to stand up for other women.