u/EngineeringMoist3107

Not posting this to bash anyone. I just don't understand the logic and I'm looking for a perspective I might be missing.

Been talking to a woman for about a month now. Things have been good overall. She's smart, funny, easy to talk to. But there's this one thing that keeps coming up and I can't figure out how to process it.

She has a very good job. Like, significantly higher income than me — she's mentioned her salary casually a couple of times and it's not close. I'm not struggling but I'm not at her level either.

Despite this, there's a clear assumption that I should be covering things. Not occasionally. Structurally. When we talk about future plans there's this baseline expectation built in that provision is a male responsibility, full stop. She's also mentioned a few times that she believes a man who "really likes you" demonstrates it financially.

When I gently brought up that the income gap kind of complicates that framing for me, she said that money and attraction are separate things and that her income is hers.

And I get that in a vacuum. People's money is their money. But the same logic seems like it should apply to me too and somehow it doesn't in her framework.

I'm not looking to go 50/50 on everything rigidly. Relationships aren't spreadsheets. But I also can't figure out how "I earn more but you should pay because gender" is a position a person holds unironically in 2026.

Is this more common than I think right now? And is there a version of this conversation that actually goes somewhere productive?

I want to write this somewhere and this feels like the right place.A conversation on youmetalks went somewhere I didn't plan for. We talked for a long time. At some point I realized I was fully present in a way I hadn't been in a while. Not performing. Not trying to seem a certain way. Just there.I don't know how to explain what that feels like when you've forgotten it's possible. It's the kind of thing that makes you realize something had gone quiet that you didn't notice going quiet.I don't know if that makes this a legit review or just a feeling I needed to put somewhere. Maybe both.

Did anyone else have a moment like this early on that reframed the whole thing?

Genuinely asking because I don't know if I'm out of touch or if something shifted and nobody told me.

Met two women over the past few months through apps. Different vibes, different situations, nothing that raised flags early. Both times things felt normal — decent conversation, easy first couple of dates, seemed like there was something worth exploring.

Both times, somewhere between date two and date three, money came up. Not in a subtle way either. One mentioned she was short on a bill and kind of let it hang there. The other was more direct and just asked if I could help her out with something small.

I didn't give either of them anything, not because I'm stingy but because it genuinely caught me off guard and felt wrong in a way I couldn't immediately explain.

What I keep getting stuck on is this: even if someone is in a rough spot financially, date three seems like a wild moment to bring that to the person you're seeing. I barely know you. You barely know me. We haven't established anything close to the kind of trust where that's a normal conversation.

I'm not saying women can't have financial struggles or that asking for help is inherently bad. I'm asking why this is happening so early. Is this a dating app era thing? Is there a dynamic I'm not aware of? Did something change in the last few years around what's considered acceptable early in dating?

Has anyone else run into this and how did you actually handle it?