u/Emotional-Amoeba9876

I don’t even know if this is the right subreddit but I just need to let this out somewhere.

Whenever I get really frustrated or someone wrongs me, my first instinct is not to confront or express it. It’s like I immediately shut down. I grew up learning how to hide my emotions, so I guess I got really good at looking okay even when I’m already boiling inside.

There are moments when I genuinely feel like I want to just explode. Like break things, throw stuff, or just let all the anger out physically. But at the same time, I feel so self-aware and conscious that I end up stopping myself. Parang may internal voice agad na don’t make noise, someone might hear, or baka sabihin baliw ako hahaha

So what happens instead is worse in a way. I don’t release it properly. I just sit with it.

Physically, I notice my body reacts first before I even fully process the emotion. I start sweating even if I’m just sitting still, my hands shake a bit, and my chest feels tight. It gets so uncomfortable that I usually have to casually excuse myself just to breathe and reset. Hindi ako naninigarilyo or anything, so I don’t even have that outlet.

And the worst part is even when I’m alone, I still catch myself holding back. Like even if I want to scream just to release it, I suddenly feel embarrassed like what if someone hears me? Even though I’m literally alone. It’s weird because I think I’ve mastered controlling my emotions, but in reality I think I’ve just gotten really good at suppressing them. And it doesn’t feel healthy anymore.

I just wanted to ask if anyone else experiences this? How do you even release frustration when you’re so used to hiding it that even expressing it feels wrong? Kasi nahihiya ako mismo sa sarili ko when I express anger I hate it I cant cry naman na din

I don’t want to keep bottling everything up like this, but I also don’t know how to start letting it out in a way that doesn’t feel embarrassing or unsafe.

I’m in my 30s, he’s 22. Yes, I know… please judge me gently HAHAHA.

He’s the type of guy na legit 10/10 sa standards ko. Yung tipong pag dumaan siya, kahit straight siguro lilingon. Easily 8-9/10 sa public appeal. Meanwhile me? Realistically, I’d rate myself a solid 5/10 on a confident day. Hindi pang-main character, more like supporting role with good intentions charot.

First time ko rin ma-involve sa ganitong setup, and honestly, parang nawala common sense ko. I’m naturally a giver—food, coffee, small help here and there. Hindi naman sugar daddy levels please pero I like taking care of people I like.

Dumating sa point na siya na mismo nagsabi na “enough” na sa mga binibigay ko and assured me na hindi naman mandatory yun, na we can talk and connect without me having to spoil him. He also said he likes the connection we have, likes talking to me, and would still like to go on dates and get to know each other. Pero he also said “I think it’s too early to tell what will happen between us.”

So ngayon tuloy, nalilito ako.

Is this genuine cautious interest?

Or is this just Gen Z emotional intelligence + pagiging naturally nice nila?

Applicable ba dito yung kasabihang “if it feels too good to be true, malamang hindi totoo”? Ayoko namang maging delusional tita na gumagawa ng sariling love story sa utak niya. Pero gusto ko lang naman maranasan din na mahalin nang totoo, hindi yung ako lang lagi yung giver.

May room pa ba to? Or habang maaga dapat graceful exit na? Please be honest. Roast me if needed. I need Reddit-level reality check.