Being bipolar and a parent
Hello,
I have three children: 9 and a half, 7, and 2 and a half years old.
Sometimes I think that maybe I should never have had children — it’s so difficult dealing with both.
Being a parent is already incredibly hard in itself, but with bipolar disorder on top of that…
Thankfully, I have a devoted, understanding, and caring partner who loves and supports me. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him; my children would probably have been taken into care otherwise.
Sometimes I have absolutely zero patience. Sometimes my children see me completely collapsed on the couch, staring into space and crying.
Sometimes they see me completely lose it because I can’t let go of anything and I try to make everything perfect: their upbringing, their diet, the cleaning, the paperwork, the groceries…
Thankfully I don’t work, because that extra pressure would probably make the situation even worse.
All of this leads to waves and waves of guilt because, from the moment I held my first newborn in my arms after giving birth, I promised myself I would do things differently from my parents. I promised myself everything would be perfect, that she would grow up in a safe environment, and that she would never be exposed to sadness, addictions, and difficult situations that a child should never have to face.
After my second delivery, everything collapsed. Severe depression hit, I completely spiraled, everything fell apart, the diagnosis was made, and since then my life has never been the same.
How do you cope with everyday life with your children ?
How do you handle the connection between bipolar disorder and parenthood ?