u/Electronic-Hall5863

TL;DR My husband (48M) and I (43F) have been married for 25 years. For our anniversary, he made a public post celebrating it, and on the surface, it looked meaningful and thoughtful.

But in real life, there was no acknowledgment, no conversation, and no shared moment between us. I was never told happy anniversary, never given any words or gestures that day. Instead, I was left sitting in silence while seeing a public version of our marriage that didn’t match my reality.

I feel hurt, invisible, and confused about what this means for us and where I stand in this relationship.

I (43F) just reached 25 years of marriage with my husband (48M), and instead of feeling celebrated, I feel completely invisible and honestly lost.

We got married young (19) and had kids young. Our relationship has never really been easy. Over the years, he’s been very controlling, and I slowly lost my independence, relationships with family, and a lot of who I was.

The last 14 years have been especially heavy. His health has declined drastically—he’s had 9 heart attacks, is now a double amputee, on dialysis, and has a blood disorder that limits treatment options. We’ve spent years in survival mode with hospital visits, emergencies, and constant stress. Recently, we were told there’s not much more they can do for his heart.

Now we’re also dealing with insurance issues that might force us to move to Mexico just to afford his care.

I understand life is incredibly hard right now. But I’m struggling with how he treats me through all of this.

I’ve also had my own health issues from years of stress. I’ve had to see both a psychologist and a psychiatrist, and I’ve even experienced a stress-related seizure. So this hasn’t just affected me emotionally—it’s affected me physically too.

About a week before our anniversary, he became even more distant than usual—short with me and disconnected. On our anniversary, he said he didn’t want to stay home and wanted to go out. He invited our son, and we ended up going to a swap meet.

He barely spoke to me the entire drive. When we got there, he handed me $100 with an attitude and said it was for me to spend for our anniversary. I gave him a kiss in front of our son, trying to keep things normal, and he just walked off.

I was hurt and upset, but I held it in and tried to get through the day, still hoping he would acknowledge it at some point. He never did.

No “happy anniversary,” no conversation, nothing the entire day or night.

At the same time, he made a long, emotional post on social media about our anniversary—talking about how much he loves me, appreciates me, and everything I’ve done for him and our family. It sounded beautiful, but it wasn’t even something he wrote himself.

So to everyone else, I look like a loved and appreciated wife. In reality, I felt completely ignored on a milestone anniversary.

When I brought it up, he said he thought we were celebrating on a different day since we had talked about that. That’s partially true—but I can’t understand how you go an entire day without even acknowledging it.

And this isn’t just about one day. There’s a long history of toxicity in our relationship, including verbal and physical abuse in the past.

At this point, I feel like I exist to take care of him. I handle everything, and emotionally I feel drained, numb, and disconnected. I do care about him, and I know he’s very sick—but I don’t feel like a wife anymore.

I’m also a Christian, and I’m struggling with what the right thing to do is. I believe in commitment and standing by your spouse, especially in sickness—but I also feel like I’m losing myself in this marriage.

Am I wrong for feeling this way given his condition? How do you balance being a caregiver and still maintaining self-respect? At what point is it okay to emotionally step back?

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore.