u/Either-Location5516

Just wondering if other people relate to this. A lot of my hypervigilance is centred around essentially a fear of irony. For example, I’ll have a random thought, “is the front door locked?” I know it probably is because I always lock it. I know the chances of someone coming into my house are very low. But because I’ve had the thought, if I don’t make sure it’s locked, this will be the one time someone does come in.

Another example is I never leave my car unlocked. I can’t even leave it unlocked while I bring the groceries in if there are two trips because the one time I do leave it unlocked, someone will jump out of the bushes and steal my car while my back is turned.

Or my roommate will message me and it’s 90% going to be her sending me a TikTok or something, but i have to open the message immediately just in case this is the one time she is telling me the house is on fire and she’s trapped inside.

I don’t walk around with a fear of these things hapenning in general. It’s more a response to if I don’t take this action after having a thought, I am inviting some ironic justice or something. Or like my thoughts have the power to affect reality in some way that will be my fault if something bad happens.

There was nothing ironic about my childhood trauma so idk where this comes from but I am curious if other people experience it. Maybe I just listened to too much Alanis Morissette as a kid.

I’m trying to figure out what this feeling is trying to tell me. On occasion I will get veeeeery like bitter and petulant. I find almost everyone irritating and stupid and nonsensical - real people, characters, people on social media. Someone doing something genuinely and objectively bad will annoy me as much as someone who simply ties their shoelaces a different way. And whenever it comes up I just don’t really know what to do with it. If our feelings are all just indicators of unmet needs or whatever then what is the need here? Or what’s the trigger is maybe a better question? It can put me in a bad mood for days and I don’t know how to snap out of it or prevent it from hapenning.

ETA: I also feel like it coincides with increased black-and-white thinking whereas usually I’m able to find more nuance and middle ground. It honestly feels like there’s a little kid in my brain just stomping their feet any time I try and reason or soften anything.