u/Eikon-Basilike-1649

I’m an anxious person who came out and came of age when HIV/AIDS was still a death sentence. I had safer sex drilled into me so much that it is second nature. For all of my sexual life, outside of relationships where there was trust of exclusivity, I always used condoms and had a great time.

As time goes on, though, my opportunities to have sex with condoms have dried up. Everyone wants to bareback and I get rejected on apps when I state my preference. I just don’t want to do it. I don’t trust PrEP. I have DoxyPEP but I don’t trust that, either. I do t really worry about myself: I don’t want to be the one to pass an STD on to someone else else.

I feel like barebackers think they’re superior to guys like me, like they’re real men who have real sex and I’m just a pathetic loser who’s too afraid to be a real man.

I am supposed to talk to my doctor this week and get on PrEP so I can bareback - but I don’t want to. I don’t mind being unprotected with men I trust and love but gay culture says I have to be open to bareback breeding everyone.

I feel like such a failure as a gay man. I wish sometimes I were straight or ace.

I’m 46 and in pretty good health (although I’m on a statin and blood pressure medication). I take daily Cialis and can usually count on a good stiff erection on my own - but with other guys? It’s like a 50/50 shot. I eventually do get hard, but it’s embarrassing at first because the other guy is usually rock hard from the get-go. Even if I’m attracted to him and feeling horny, it takes a while for the hydraulics to work. A cock ring helps but sometimes I don’t get fully hard until I’m very close to cumming.

My questions are:

1. Does this happen to you, too, and how do you cope with it?

2. If you’re with a guy who has trouble getting hard, do you think less of him? I always try to make sure the other guy is feeling good while I’m trying to get my own motor running.

This is a sincere question and I’d appreciate sincere earnest answers.

If you find absolute monarchy attractive, why? What do you believe it offers to commend itself as a system?

If it’s just a position you take to be a contrarian online, well, that’s cool but not what I’m looking for.