This is the first year that I’ve been openly trans and it’s been wonderful for the most part I’ve never felt so alive, happy and mentally stable. Most of my relationships have become better from me being out of the closet now but it doesn’t feel that way with my best friend.
My best friend and I met when we were 5 years old and we became basically inseparable when we were 12 in the 7th grade. Once we became best friends we talked every day for hours, we did almost everything together and we’ve been there for each other through the good and bad. I love him so much I can’t imagine my life without him and I don’t want to either because to be frank I feel like I would lose apart of myself and just feel lost.
My best friend was the second person I told about regarding my queer/trans identity and he never cared about it, it didn’t bother him and accepted it, we were 17 at the time. At that time though I didn’t transition in anyway cause I didn’t feel comfortable/safe to do so.
Fast forward to us now being nearly 21, I started socially transitioning back in October 2025, life has been a rollercoaster as always but still so lovely. I can’t help but feel lonely though and one of the reasons is that I’ve never felt so distant to my best friend.
In 2026, we stopped texting daily, we’ve stopped calling daily, we’ve barely hung out this year and when it’s the two of us talking he seems so uninterested even awkward sometimes. It’s basically me always reaching out first now. I can’t even talk to him about my transition because it seems to make him uncomfortable, he’s told me, “why are you telling me this?”, “I don’t feel comfortable”, “you should talk about this with someone else”. I don’t even tell him much I just talk about some gender euphoria experiences and how I’m happier with certain aspects of my life due to socially transitioning.
It hurts so much because he’s my best friend and now I feel like I’m losing him. He was by my side when I went to go get my first dosage of estradiol pills, we even had dinner to celebrate that night. He always made it seem like nothing would change between the two of us. I can’t help but feel like me transitioning and living life like how I’ve been wanting to is the cause of the current state our relationship.
I’ve already talked to him and brought up why this is happening between us. We came to the conclusion that we’re just growing apart and that I’m changing as a person. To be honest though whenever I talk to him or hang out with him I feel like I just revert to what I use to be like. We both made a list of ideas that can help us get back on track and since the list I’ve been working on following through but it just doesn’t seem to be working. He hasn’t made any efforts on his end to work on the list.
I’m at the point where I’m thinking of just giving up. I feel like I’m just coming off as desperate and pathetic at this point. It’s not doing me any good either just continuing to fail to get somewhere with him. I don’t even feel comfortable being who I want to be with him. For example he hosted this event recently and I had to boy mode there which drastically ruined my mood. He seems to have a hard time acknowledging me by my new pronouns and preferred name.
My 21st birthday is right around the corner and we always planned my birthday together. This year would be the first time the cake would have my new name and I told him that I can’t wait to celebrate my first birthday as an openly trans woman. He couldn’t even promise me that he wouldn’t refer to me by my new pronouns and name. I lowkey want to tell him that I don’t want him at my birthday anymore.
I guess all good things do come to an end. I’ve never felt so apart and like a stranger to my best friend. Thanks for listening to my rant/vent have a good one everyone.