doing okay i guess.
everything seems to be mostly fine?
i still cut sometimes out of boredom but not really because i desperately need to or anything. not really suicidal much either seemingly. at least nothing out of the ordinary
honestly im really glad he came into my life. it was really fucking sudden and im surprised i did so much with him honestly. though my time with him has kinda confirmed something i was afraid of
intimacy in general ranging from hugs to kisses to OTHER stuff does make me feel pretty happy as im going through with it but after a day or so passes it always feels like it never happened and i go back to being meh. like at least i dont feel starved or anything but i dont feel full either. i always imagined kissing for example as something that would.. spark me in a sense? like id expect to feel something suddenly change inside me or freeze or just feel SOMETHING and like i do feel happy, love and so on but it's also kind of mechanical. funny thing is i can basically never have enough and every kiss just turns into another 😭😭
i still have mood swings. i dont think im angry as much anymore but i do go from feeling really depressed to feeling "okay". my bdd still affects me but i dont feel the need to body check which feels great. having someone who genuinely likes me and my body and so on gives me just enough validation to get through life even if i still feel ugly sometimes.
im considering begging my parents to take me to a psychologist or something even if i embarrass myself because im getting kind of desperate to start healing
that's it for today. goodluck