I’m a 21-year-old female studying Mechatronics Engineering, currently in my second year. This situation involves my friend and my crush, both around my age.
I got close to this friend, but not in a very consistent or typical way. We weren’t talking every day or anything. It was more like occasional interactions that didn’t really mean much at first. But one time, we ended up spending some time together, and the conversation just kept going longer than expected.
We started off talking about random things—like opinions, current topics, even some slightly pointless debates—and then it slowly shifted into more personal areas without either of us really planning it. She shared some things about her perspective on life, and I ended up opening up more than I usually do. It wasn’t something I had thought through, it just kind of happened in the moment.
At some point, the topic moved towards things like identity and attraction. It’s not something I usually discuss openly, so it felt a bit different. That’s when I also mentioned my crush.
I didn’t keep it simple—I went into detail about how strongly I felt, how often she was on my mind, and how much it mattered to me. I was very open about it, and she clearly understood the depth of it.
She seemed interested in everything I said and got involved in a way that felt supportive at first. She was kind of acting like a wingman for me and started interacting with my crush, and I assumed it was harmless or maybe even helpful. I didn’t expect anything to shift because of it.
But somehow, things started changing between them. It wasn’t something I saw coming, and it didn’t take long either.
Later, my friend told me that things had developed between them, and my crush had shown some interest. She also said she felt a bit confused about everything, so it didn’t feel very clear or straightforward.
I didn’t really know how to respond in that moment. I didn’t push back or question it much. I kind of just went along with it, even though internally it didn’t sit right with me.
At the same time, when I look back, there were small moments where my crush seemed to be trying to spend time with me in a more focused way—like suggesting we meet or just be around each other without others. But I didn’t respond in the right way. I stayed distant and held myself back, mostly because I’ve never dealt with something like this before and I didn’t know how to act on it.
After that, things between them moved quickly, and they became involved.
At one point, my friend made it sound like I would eventually move on and end up with someone else, which didn’t sit well with me because it made what I felt seem replaceable.
I also talked about all of this with my cousin. After hearing everything, she mentioned that some parts of how my friend handled the situation didn’t feel right and could be seen as red flags, especially considering how much I had opened up without holding anything back. She also pointed out that it seemed like my vulnerability may have been taken advantage of in some way.
What’s been making it harder is seeing things they post online on a social platform we all use. I don’t actively look for it anymore, but whenever I come across it, it hits me again. A lot of it has this very obvious emotional tone, and it makes me feel like I’ve been completely replaced. It’s gotten to a point where it makes me feel insecure and question my own worth.
I’ve also noticed that I started comparing myself to my friend a lot. She comes across as confident and expressive in ways I’m not, and it makes me feel like maybe that’s why things turned out the way they did.
Now I feel stuck between confusion and hurt. A part of me keeps thinking about whether things would have turned out differently if I had acted differently, and another part of me just wants to stop thinking about it completely.
Sometimes even small or unrelated things remind me of it, and it feels heavier than it should.
At the same time, I’m starting to accept that whatever I thought existed between me and my crush wasn’t strong or clear enough for her to choose me, even if it felt real on my side.
And that one moment where I felt like I could trust my friend and be open—it doesn’t feel the same anymore either.
Right now, I’m just trying to distance myself mentally, avoid overthinking everything, and slowly get back to focusing on myself instead of staying stuck in this.