u/Educational-Jury5687

Am actually really alone want a friend.

If someone interested pleaseee.

For life

18M.

I fucked up my first real love.

Not in a dramatic movie way.

Not because there was another guy.

Not because feelings disappeared overnight.

I fucked it up through immaturity, impulsive lies, emotional chaos, and not valuing trust the way I should’ve when I still had her.

She forgave me more times than I deserved.

And the worst part is — she genuinely loved me. She proposed first. She stayed. She fought for us. Even when things got messy.

A day before everything ended, she literally said someday we’ll both be happy again.

And then I messed up again. One more impulsive mistake. One more hurt. And that was the final cut.

Now she’s gone from everywhere. Blocked. Silence.

And I can’t even blame her for it.

People will probably call this childish because we’re young, but a one-year relationship mixed with friendship, attachment, daily habits, memories, dreams, calls, fights, everything — it changes your brain. You don’t just “move on” in one night.

What hurts the most is knowing she wasn’t cheating, wasn’t replacing me, wasn’t playing games. She was just tired. Hurt. Done.

And now I’m left with memories replaying 24/7 and the realization that sometimes love alone isn’t enough when trust keeps breaking.

Her family finding out about the inter-caste relationship made things even heavier. Everything got complicated. And I think that pressure broke whatever little hope was left.

I know people will probably give the usual advice like “move on” or “she’ll come back,” but honestly I just want genuine advice from people who’ve gone through this kind of thing and survived it without becoming bitter.

How do you stop being emotionally impulsive?

How do you live with guilt after hurting someone you actually loved?

How do you become mature enough to not destroy good things in your life?

Right now, I’m just trying to survive this feeling and become a better person than the one who caused all this damage.

I’m 18M and since the breakup, my emotions have honestly been all over the place. I get irritated and overwhelmingly bad when I see her posting happily without me or with her friends. Even seeing people associated with her annoys me for no real reason, and I hate that I feel this way.

We’re even fighting over our pet after the breakup, which made me realize how possessive I’ve become. I don’t know if this is attachment, jealousy, abandonment issues, or just my ego struggling to accept the breakup.

Logically I know she’s allowed to move on and live her life, but emotionally my brain reacts completely differently. I don’t act crazy or harass anyone, but internally I feel bitter, angry, and stuck.

Did anyone else become weirdly possessive or emotionally reactive after a breakup? How did you get out of that mindset?