Still feeling so confused at the 180 shift my ex with BPD had this past weekend when he ended things. Felt like a curveball and gave me such whiplash. After reading a ton of these posts, I realize I may have dodged a bullet, but I’m still so sad. I’m finding myself second guessing if any of the time together was real to him (the feelings) and whether he’ll always devalue me now.
I just experienced close to a month of dating a man who told me early on he had BPD. He mentioned having done lots of therapy. Pretty early on we decided to just invest in dating each other to see where it could go (aka not dating other people). Things seemed to be going really well.
We were vulnerable with each other, discussed our triggers and asked for direct communication with each other. He knows I have CPTSD and I’ve been very open about my growth and weekly therapy. I’ve been in super toxic relationships and was very clear that certain things trigger me, unfortunately.
Well recently we spent the day together and everything seemed wonderful, but after bumping into people I knew and chatting with them for a while, he grew cold and distant. I sensed it so told the friends we had to go and on our walk back I asked if he was okay and if I had done anything wrong. He seemed annoyed at me for even asking. I asked him if he needed space and to be alone and he said yes. I told him I would, but would appreciate a check in text later at night to ease my spiraling brain (CPTSD trigger). He did end up sending me a check in text but then went MIA all weekend until I texted him saying I felt a shift in communication (he would always check in with me in the mornings) and if he would be open to sharing what might be happening.
We went on a walk, he went in for a hug versus kissing me like he usually would. And basically told me that he didn’t like that I asked for a check in text, because it made him feel like he had to think about my emotions and emotionally regulate someone else. I was so confused by this and reiterated that I didn’t need him to regulate me but that the check in was to help my own triggers. Eventually he said he thought I was pushing the relationship too quickly and couldn’t give me what I need. I asked if it was a BPD trigger and he got so offended, saying it doesn’t define him, and I tried to clarify that I want intending that, but more so seeking to understand this 180 shift and change.
Ultimately I had to pry it out of him that he wanted to end things… and I was so shocked and sad (things seemed to truly be going so well), that I told him I couldn’t continue the walk and needed to go home. The last thing I could say was how stupid I felt and then I turned and left.
I wasn’t trying to speed up the getting to know one another. I feel so blindsided and shocked. Am I being too much? Was I asking for too much? Could this HAVE actually been part of his BPD?
I’m so sad and disappointed. I was doing my best to be vulnerable.
I just experienced close to a month of dating a man who told me early on he had BPD. He mentioned having done lots of therapy. Pretty early on we decided to just invest in dating each other to see where it could go (aka not dating other people). Things seemed to be going really well.
We were vulnerable with each other, discussed our triggers and asked for direct communication with each other. He knows I have CPTSD and I’ve been very open about my growth and weekly therapy. I’ve been in super toxic relationships and was very clear that certain things trigger me, unfortunately.
Well recently we spent the day together and everything seemed wonderful, but after bumping into people I knew and chatting with them for a while, he grew cold and distant. I sensed it so told the friends we had to go and on our walk back I asked if he was okay and if I had done anything wrong. He seemed annoyed at me for even asking. I asked him if he needed space and to be alone and he said yes. I told him I would, but would appreciate a check in text later at night to ease my spiraling brain (CPTSD trigger). He did end up sending me a check in text but then went MIA all weekend until I texted him saying I felt a shift in communication (he would always check in with me in the mornings) and if he would be open to sharing what might be happening.
We went on a walk, he went in for a hug versus kissing me like he usually would. And basically told me that he didn’t like that I asked for a check in text, because it made him feel like he had to think about my emotions and emotionally regulate someone else. I was so confused by this and reiterated that I didn’t need him to regulate me but that the check in was to help my own triggers. Eventually he said he thought I was pushing the relationship too quickly and couldn’t give me what I need. I asked if it was a BPD trigger and he got so offended, saying it doesn’t define him, and I tried to clarify that I want intending that, but more so seeking to understand this 180 shift and change.
Ultimately I had to pry it out of him that he wanted to end things… and I was so shocked and sad (things seemed to truly be going so well), that I told him I couldn’t continue the walk and needed to go home. The last thing I could say was how stupid I felt and then I turned and left.
I wasn’t trying to speed up the getting to know one another. I feel so blindsided and shocked. Am I being too much? Was I asking for too much? Could this HAVE actually been part of his BPD?
I’m so sad and disappointed. I was doing my best to be vulnerable.