u/Easy-Finding-2316

I recently turned 18 and need an ID so I can get my first job. In my state it’s required to have proof of residency - I live with my grandmother and she works full time, she refuses to take work off to help me with anything, so she can’t provide my proof of residency, google said if I don’t have documents or b¡lls I could use recent Mail or School transcripts but I don’t get Mail in my name and I’m not with my district’s school, I do an online program. I feel like there’s nothing I can do but I know there has to be something, I’m just too stressed about it to figure it out, soo I’m coming to Reddit asking for assistance.

So my great-grandmother has dementia… Well, she isn’t a very “great” woman.

I’m not gonna get into all the details in this post but she caused me a lot of trauma growing up, and she twisted things to make it seem like I was the one harming her as a literal child because she would only do things and act the way she would when no one else was home or in the same room.

She would frantically pace and purposely hyperventilate until she made herself cry when someone was coming home to pin some twisted story on me so that I wouldn’t even be able to get a word of what she did to me out, and my family believed her every single time because it did cause me to have behavioral issues directed towards her and since I was a child I didn’t understand her tactic of only being that way when she was alone with me, and my resentment for her was strong so my family would see me acting indifferent towards her and that really helped her case.

I’ve talked about some of it with a professional and and got diagnosed with CPTSD and GAD, and wasn’t diagnosed with BPD because at the time I was a minor and the person I had refused to diagnose minors with that disorder but she basically told me I had it? Which doesn’t seem very professional but wtv. I also am not diagnosed with but strongly suspect I have OCD, which could potentially be important to this.

So like I said at the beginning of this, my great-grandmother has dementia. Now, in the typical situation- this would be a lot more manageable…however because of the past trauma she caused me and the resentment I have for things she no longer even remembers doing and no one else believed happened to me anyway, the smallest thing will set me off. I need routine and structure to feel stable, she’s constantly disrupting that, and I can’t help but get a temper when it happens. The genuine best thing I can do is completely ignore her existence when it happens but that causes her to keep trying to get my attention and answer her and when I don’t she gets talking real insecure like which just pisses me off more because she genuinely doesn’t remember how awful of a person she was to me and then because I’m ignoring her and she gets insecure she freaks out and screams about how no one cares about her and she should just die already (no one has told her that ever btw. Not even me as much as I think it to be so honest.) Now that seems like it may be bad, but it’s much worse when I’m not able to keep myself silent, because I’ll yell and sometimes throw things and get strong destructive urges that aren’t satisfied until I break things or harm myself un-intentionally which is awful.

And it isn’t like I can just try to compromise for these things- what I have been able to change up to avoid her or her moving my things I have- but there are certain things I can’t accommodate for myself, like one of the biggest problems being that she constantly is over feeding my cat and moving around her bowls and food. I can’t just keep those things in my room, my room is filthy, and when I’ve tried to keep it in my room and just bring it down when it’s needed it causes me to stress myself out because I’ll forget something or continuously forget in general because it isn’t where it’s supposed to be, so that’s unfortunately not an option.

The rest of my family is no help by the way. Whenever these issues arise, I’m automatically always the problem to them. No matter what, it’s an immediate excuse to my grandmother because she has dementia, and not a single regard for how I end up feeling. Like, I understand dementia, I don’t feel like what she does is a personal attack on me like they think I do, they think I’m just inconsiderate, when in reality I’m just so done with them not ever considering how this is also effecting me, and her also because how things happen is also not good for her and while I can admit I don’t care about her I also don’t want to put her in this situation it isn’t good for anyone involved.

The only option I have is to get away. But I can’t move out yet I don’t even have a fucking job. I just turned 18, I can’t get an ID because my family refuses to help me with anything like that and apparently we need a proof of residency now cuz my friend went with her parents to get her ID the other day and she needed proof of residency which her mom had to provide for her with her moms ID for it so like what am I just screwed??? It’s not like I could get there anyway I don’t have transportation and I can’t even walk because we live in the goddamn woods so far out pizza places won’t even deliver to us.

I. Am. So. Done.

Thanks for reading all this I’d really appreciate some feedback or literally anything.