I (early 20s F) recently got a tattoo that represents some really personal things I’ve been working through in therapy over the past 6 months. It includes a semicolon butterfly and other elements that symbolize surviving sexual assault and a pregnancy loss that came from it.
Before posting anything, my parents and siblings already knew about what I’ve been through. This wasn’t something I was hiding from my immediate family — just something I hadn’t shared with extended family.
I decided to post a photo of the tattoo on Instagram with a caption explaining what it means. I didn’t go into graphic detail, but I was honest about what the symbols represent. For me, it felt like finally not hiding something I’ve been carrying for a long time — it actually felt like a weight off my shoulders.
The issue is that I didn’t tell my extended family (aunt, grandma, etc.) beforehand, so they found out through the post.
My aunt, and grandma are upset — not really about what happened to me, but about how they found out. My aunt messaged me saying that family should’ve known first and that if I’m posting it publicly, I should be ready to tell everyone. She also started suggesting things like getting medical records involved, which I’m not comfortable with right now.
I do understand why they’d feel shocked or hurt finding out that way, and I honestly feel really guilty that they had to find out through social media instead of hearing it from me directly. That part is weighing on me a lot.
At the same time, this isn’t exactly something you casually bring up at a family gathering, and posting it felt like the only way I could actually say it.
What’s also made things harder is that some family friends have messaged my mum reacting like “WTF,” which I think has added to her stress and probably made everything feel bigger than it already is.
What’s been difficult for me is that I haven’t really received any supportive messages from them like “I’m sorry that happened to you” — it’s mostly been about how I should’ve handled it differently.
Now I feel really conflicted. Part of me feels guilty for not telling them first, but another part of me feels like it’s my story to share when and how I’m ready.
AITA for posting it without telling my extended family privately first?