u/Due-Intention-8743 — reddlx

I would’ve never imagined i could get past 1 week of breakup without feeling like i wanted to die. But here I am, waaaay further than i thought i would ever be.

It has been hard, ngl. I used to cry myself to sleep, wake up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding out of my chest, and just hurting. I remember one day, I was sitting in some uni class an i thought “I am never gonna get through this, am I?” and i swear i wanted to cry sooooo bad.
Well, of course i haven’t gotten over it. I definitely got a long way to go, but I believe i am gaining perspective.

It hits me sometimes that this person didn’t choose me and i get sad. I recall all the memories together and i get nostalgic, but I know now that I can hold a special place in my heart for those while still understanding that the person I was dating wasn’t responsible or emotionally mature. It is crazy how I realize now that i went to hell and back for this person while they wouldn’t even cross a street for me. I was really submissive and i devoted myself to someone who wasn’t able to see my efforts. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t love them or appreciate them because they were caring at some point too. Or I could even say they still are.

Sometimes i think how my life would be now if we were still together, and I get emotional, but i also know deep down i would’ve hated that life because i wasn’t able to be honest and tell them that they were hurting me. I would have NEVER been able to breakup with him. I didn’t want to throw away the “love” that i was given. I know i would’ve settled for that kind of relationship just to be able to be with him.

I still see this person regularly and that’s how i know i am not over it. That’s when i wonder how they feel and if they miss me, i seriously have no clue what goes through their head. The thing is, when we come across each other we chat like nothing. I don’t understand how we get back to our rhythm without missing any steps. It is weird, i feel some romantic/sexual tension when we talk but that’s it.

Basically, i believe i am doing baby steps in this healing process. I am unsure of how this is gonna keep going in time but i wanna hope for the best.

To anyone going through a breakup, i am sorry. It feels like the shitiest thing in the whole world but you gotta believe in yourself. You are the only person who can get you out of that.