u/Due-Description5

Hello I am writing this post because I need help. Maybe I don’t need help but I just need to vent I’m not sure. I know my post may seem silly because it’s not a “real” issue but I honestly don’t know what to do. I do not mean to be insensitive but I do need some advice. I’m a junior in high school and I am incredibly sad. I’m not sure if this has something to do with my ex boyfriend but it feels like I does. Him and I broke up on October 2025 and I think I’m still grieving the relationship. Him and I were together for a total of four years, while in the relationship he made me feel like I was crazy but I still stayed. When we got into arguments I got so mad at myself if ripped my hair out and scratched my face unconsciously. I felt so shitty in the relationship and I feel shitty now. I see him doing so great and I’m glad he’s doing amazing but it just hurts me because I’m not working as hard as he is. I’m constantly sad and I don’t know why. I’m stressed abt college yes but I don’t think that’s it. I constantly pray for something to happen to me so I can pass away. I think about ways to pass away painlessly and I am constantly hoping and wishing something is wrong with my health. I am always so tried, I want to do so many things but I am so lazy I have no motivation and no discipline. I feel so sad all the time.I always feel less than other people and I’m always comparing myself to people and in specific my ex it is so embarrassing. I feel unhappy with my life but I feel so ungrateful, I have everything I need. My parents are both present in my life I have two annoying sisters but overall a loving family. I do well in school, I am blessed enough to not worry about real life struggles but why do I feel the way I do. I feel like no one likes me and I’m too much sometimes. I feel sad all the time and I hope to pass all the time. Does anyone have any advice