u/Due-Curve-5133

no reassurance needed - spoilered post because it contains scrupulosity/food thoughts. please proceed with caution if these are a trigger for you.

>!many of my friends and family members do restrictive diet things as part of religious and related practices. they tell me lots of things about the ways it makes them a better person and that i should do it. i tell them i will think about it. sometimes, i tell them that i am too ill to do it, if i am prepared to defend my position and answer tons of questions.!<

>!from age 8, i have struggled with extreme restrictive eating. i have arfid and digestive issues caused by my disability. i got it in my head as an even younger child that i could help the world by not taking care of myself, especially through self injury and not eating. kids and adults in my life praised and encouraged me for it, and it got out of control. i got it back under control all on my own, only 2 years ago, when became bedfast and socially isolated. now that i am more mobile and active, people are back to pushing fasting on me. there is a cultural component as well: my family moved from south asia to the us and had much less available to eat than i did. but ultimately, very little of what's available ends up in my mouth.!<

>!i am struggling a little with anger at my friends and family for not helping me, and for continuing to encourage me to do things that aren't healthy for me. they can fast in a limited way that maintains their health, but i can't. they continue to eat little bites in scarce conditions, but i don't.!<

how do i push back gently without letting my anger/disappointment drive what i say? what do you do when eating disorder and fasting posts come up in your feeds (without any tags or warnings?) how else can i manage this on my own?

i have the drive to care for myself, but these things trigger obsessive spirals about my being bad and the contrasting goodness of starving/what my moral compass considers fasting. once i am in the spiral, it is hard to get out. thank you for reading.

[what do i say/think/do oops]

hi everyone

when i was pre everything and closeted, i saw a lot of videos online from older, mid/post-transition, non disclosing guys that their appearance, plus non disclosing status, gave them increased power to sway opinions towards tolerance and support of trans people, especially those of their cis guy friends. they were taken more seriously and had the power to stand up for people.

i, myself, was undercover as a cis girl at the time, and i had swayed a lot of people's opinions, so i was excited at the idea of being able to do an even better job, once i ultimately got the chance to change my appearance. my friends and acquaintances brought up trans topics around me and were willing to entertain my ideas, since i had a reputation for being intelligent/competent/whatever. i read up a lot on theory and got ready to do my part in the hot debate department.

when i actually changed my appearance, i kind of disappeared to everyone. my personality feels the same to me, but i haven't earned another "intelligent" reputation since i began transition. i am barely part of conversations with anyone anymore, let alone ones related to trans topics and with cis guys. people just don't really engage like they used to, when i try to talk with them now, especially cis guys. (racism? new visible disability? maybe i am visibly trans? who knows...)

i still see guys going through transition talking about how their appearance helps them talk more effectively with cis guys and promote respect and tolerance. it makes me wonder what i am doing so differently--i still want to be helpful in the same way, and my situation is not at all what i expected.

what has your experience been with this phenomenon? how do you feel about it? have your expectations changed with time? it seems like mileage varies, and i really want to learn more about how.

i have pivoted to being helpful in other areas where i don't have to show face, but it seems like a lot of people still want more guys (or people who they think look that way) to help in the opinion-changing and going undercover area.

thanks for reading, and in advance for any helpful discussion that comes from this.