Looking for insight
Idk if I’m expecting too much in a relationship or if it’s not for me.
Because if this, I am thinking of divorce
Hello. I am 29y/o F and my now husband is 30 y/o M
We started dating February 2021, engaged February 2024, married September 2025.
I have had this gnawing feeling for YEARS that I don’t want to be in this relationship. The only thing in the relationship that I have put my finger on specifically is our sex life.
We have NEVER had a good sex life. It is to the point where I don’t know if I am asexual at all. The thought of intimacy with my partner at this point kind of makes me cringe. We didn’t have sex after our marriage until 5 months after our wedding. Before then, it was 1 full year without sex
Before him, I craved sex, enjoyed sex, but don’t know if that was a coping mechanism for getting over the prior relationship I was in.
We have discussed this multiple times over the years but the sex life is just getting more and more dry. He is someone who doesn’t crave much sex, I am also the first person he had ever slept with. Within the first year, I had a huge problem with the fact we didn’t sleep together much, but I put it off as me overcompensating and sleeping around as part of a hypomanic episode (I have bipolar)
He is an AMAZING person and has stuck by me through extremely hard time of short term disability. I am also chronically ill with chronic pain and he tries to understand. Along with that, I am bipolar with depression and anxiety. He has never made me feel less than for these moods.
He tries to understand my moods whenever they shift and he is good about talking things through without getting mad or angry at me. I am comfortable with him and feel safe
I am afraid that I am overcompensating from my last relationship which ended because they were unable (and not willing) to try and understand my mental and physical difficulties. I am also afraid that these feelings are going to just continue and I will develop resentment.
But on the other hand, I am so afraid that I would be e throwing something away because he is someone who is just so nice to me and understanding. But … he doesn’t do much else for me except listen.
It is hard because I have had these feelings for years, starting 1 year after our relationship.
The feelings aren’t constant; they mainly come every other month or so, but they are debilitating.
I thought things would maybe get better after marriage, but it hasn’t at all.
Is it wrong for me to consider divorce over sexual incompatibility?
Am I expecting too much to have an emotionally available partner who I actually have a good sex life with?
Has anyone had these feelings and went through with a breakup and/or divorce
If so, did you find a better life after or did you regret it?
If you are single in your 30s+, what is that life like?
I am DESPERATE for input and discussions because These aren’t things I can really discuss with friends and family because i don’t really have close female friends
B