Why do some women hate women?
*Trigger warning SA*
Hello all, I mostly just wanted a safe space to vent after something happening tonight.
A few years ago I was assaulted while heavily drunk, in my own bed. The person was a beloved member of the community and my friend group. He was also married and his wife was pregnant. He did not rape me or anything absolutely horrific but I was touched and uncomfortable with it.
I initially told people. Pretty much everyone who knows the guy, kinda… blew it off? “Oh that’s just how he acts”, “it was probably a joke”, or “you were both drunk, maybe you came onto him?” I honestly don’t remember the situation too well so I let it go. However I was also in a committed relationship, and not attracted to this guy in the slightest, actually having a secret distain for him…
Anyways a few years go by and I grew more & more disgusting with the situation. I eventually started talking about it again and got a lot of “but why are you bringing it up now?”
I got angry eventually, that everyone had to question me instead of maybe.. checking if I was alright? Comforting me? Cut him off? Then I found out a decent old friend of mine was leading the charge of I was downright lying about the entire situation.
It’s so ironic because online this girl acts like the ultimate feminist, ally, liberal or whatever. Behind the scenes she’s texting everyone I know calling me a vile, disgusting woman for lying and trying to ruin a man’s reputation. She has never even heard the story from my side, or asked me about it in any way.
I asked her to stop talking to me about a year ago. I don’t have social media anymore but I do have a very locked down Facebook for Marketplace only with no friends, and using an alias, and tonight she sent me a friend request.
Honestly the whole thing just has me sick to my stomach and I can’t sleep. I didn’t add back or send a message or block. I just left it as is, I figured silence will be the most disappointing to her. If I give her any reaction she wins.
But it doesn’t mean I don’t feel anxious now :/ I’ve always found it hard to have relationships with other women for reasons like this. I’ve had multiple girl friends sleep with my boyfriends at the time too. I’m not giving up on female relationships, but dang. Some girls are really just playing for the wrong team it seems :(
Edit to add: I’m not even trying to bring him down. I obviously didn’t press charges, I didn’t tell his wife, I wish people would cut him off but I’ve accepted they won’t. I mostly wish they’d stop bringing him up around me because it makes my nervous system a wreck every time :(