I need immediate help with a problem that’s been going on in my relationship. I met my boyfriend (21) a year ago online, and we’ve been seeing each other every 1-3 months since then. We are in a LDR and blessed to be able to visit frequently. Unfortunately, on our second visit, when I traveled to see him, we opened up lust in our relationship (not sex but fooling around more than we should). We both have been battling our own lust struggles separately, but every trip we’ve had since that second one, and sprinkled throughout when we are online, we’ve fallen into lust. In March, I watched a powerful video about a woman set free from her addiction to content and self-gratification. I was taken over by the Holy Spirit as I truly prayed and believed I could be set free. My bf and I downloaded the app I am Sober to track our self-gratification, and he frequently shares this with his male friends, who hold him accountable. I don’t have many trusted friends like him, but I lead a college Christian group currently and have been discipling through there. I told her a bit about our struggles, and she suggested that we phone call less when tempted, avoid kissing on trips, etc., but she warned that I needed to get this under control as a leader, lovingly. For two trips before winter break, she was holding me accountable. We screwed up big time during my Christmas break, since he was here for 1 week, so I stopped letting her know about us out of fear. Fast forward to April, after almost a week of not slipping up, I got to 18 days clean. My bf tries hard to lead me well, but this week he was really struggling, so I had to uphold my boundaries. I asked the Holy Spirit to take over, and he did, and I got through without self-pleasure. Unfortunately, today things kept escalating with suggestive talk and compliments to me, talking a nap, and my bf and I then, upon me waking up, we did it on FT… We both felt awful and ended the call for a while. We both repented, and he called me back explaining how it led to him suggesting me to show myself after I woke up. He took accountability, so I cannot totally blame him; it takes two to tango. I just feel like garbage and a failure for not being able to make it to a month yet again. Because he gives me his attention and compliments, I fold… Also, I feel alone because if I tell someone in my Christian group that I am an elected leader, I will be asked to step down, and that would hurt so much, too. I’m planning on visiting him in June to see his family and friends, so this is so disheartening. Any advice from older Christians or others who can relate would be greatly appreciated. Also, I’d love to have some fellow women of God to talk to in the future.
TL;DR: Two 21-year-olds in a year-long long-distance Christian relationship keep falling into lust despite trying to stay accountable and set boundaries. I (F21) recently made progress but slipped again and feel like a failure, especially as a leader in my faith community. Looking for advice and support.