I’m a bit at a loss and need an outside perspective on the situation.
At my gym, there’s a woman (around 25) who works there. Over the years I’ve (31) been going there, we’ve occasionally had short conversations at the front desk, always brief and practical. What stood out to me was that she would hold very intense eye contact for a long time and seemed nervous/excited whenever she saw me.
About a month ago, she happened to be using a machine I wanted to use (outside of her working hours, and no other machines were free). So I went over in the usual way and asked if we could alternate sets. She agreed, and we ended up talking for quite a while. The conversation felt easy and pleasant, and we laughed a lot. Even after she was done with the machine, she stayed to keep talking, though eventually we went our separate ways.
A few days later I saw her again and, after some small talk, asked about her hobbies because I wanted to see if there was something we might enjoy doing together. In the end, apart from fitness, we didn’t really have shared hobbies, so I decided to be direct and suggested exchanging numbers and grabbing a drink sometime. She said she didn’t have her phone with her at the moment but would still be working until 3 pm and would be around. I said okay, then I’d come talk to her again later.
Later, when I went back to the front desk, a nervous male employee suddenly rushed toward me and asked what I needed. I told him it was fine, it had already been taken care of. At that point I thought, “Okay, she’s not interested, whatever.”
Then around 3 pm she came directly to me while I was training and said she didn’t know me well enough yet to go out for drinks right away, but that she was almost always there. I replied, “Okay, fair enough, then the next time we see each other, let’s just train together and get to know each other that way.” She agreed.
In hindsight, maybe I should have left it there already. Over the following weeks I barely went to the gym because I was feeling lazy.
Today, about a month after the last interaction, I saw when entering that she was there, but the front desk was busy, so I thought I’d just talk to her later when things calmed down.
A bit later, when the front desk was empty, I went over — and suddenly the manager approached me from behind and asked what I needed. I said I wanted to talk to her, and he replied that she was very busy, would soon be on break, and that maybe he could help me instead (which made me feel like the whole gym probably already knew about me).
That’s when I got upset, and I calmly told him to please tell her to leave me alone and stop bothering me in the future. He said he didn’t understand and that he had a duty of care toward her, and that she was afraid of me. In the end, the manager told me to be cooperative to add a note to my file, saying that I had some kind of issue involving her. I wasn't aggressive, or had a loud voice or anything.
The whole thing hit me really hard, and now I honestly don’t know what to think. I’m fairly muscular and can probably come across as intimidating physically, but I’m not some kind of monster. I’m calm and I reflect on my behavior a lot. I deliberately gave the whole thing time and space and tried to take things slowly, and then today I got hit with this punch to the gut.
For me, the matter is completely over now, and I’ll keep a huge distance from her in the future. But still, I can’t stop wondering what I could have done better. I genuinely thought there was mutual interest there.
What do you think happened here? Did I somehow come across as creepy?