Literally still processing this as I write it. So basically I (16 F), was in the car with my mom and siblings on monday going to school. The morning was already rough for me so I had a poor attitude in all honesty but I wasn't nasty towards anyone. Just overwhelmed and emotional. In defense of my case, she was being very much a dick towards me saying how she doesn't care about me being sad and whatever. I lost my airpod case, got forced to sit in the back even though I TEXTED HER AT 1 AM and called shotgun, was dropping stuff from and god knows what else fell out from my duffle bag because the bottom was open, missed the bus, and etc.
My mom asked my little sister (12) if she wanted to get dropped off at school or get on the bus but she was either asleep or pretending, either way, she wasn’t responding the way she wanted and barely so my mom got irritated.
She started going on about her being rude, her not “playing with us anymore”, how she’ll just be a dictator and whatever else crazy shit. She asked my sister if she finished this math assignment she had missing and she didn’t, she said she had two left, so my mom said she won’t get her phone after school or get on the laptop and for SOME reason decided I was the next best target??? She literally said “whose device do i need to take now?” and then started screaming at me saying “give me that fucking phone”, “hurry up before i break it” “why do you have it” and mind you, i’ve had my phone back for almost or a month now, maybe two.
For quick context, my phone got took last year like around January or March for slipping grades but then I got admitted to the hospital so they kept it longer (dk why) and then she found my Instagram account and heard me cursing and talking to my friends about this guy I met the way 16 year old girls do. I gave it to her even though it was complete bullshit for her to aim stress at me that had nothing to do with me.
I tried to sweeten up on the car ride to school to potentially get it back for at least during school because my little sister got to keep hers for the day and u get more bees with sugar than salt. She’s in 6th grade by the way. I’m a sophomore, soon to be a junior in high school. I got out of the car and my mom said i could get it back after school depending on how i do without it at school so i said bet.
After school monday, since i didn’t email her complaining about my phone or asking for it, i thought thats what she meant by me not bothering her for it at school. Mind you, I had my phone Monday afternoon in her face. I googled on MY phone if whales had legs before evolution and showed her. She said nothing.
I used my phone as a flashlight Tuesday morning, had headphones on in the car, had it on the charger that night (and I went to bed early because I was high) and she said nothing. I sent her a picture of some food my friend brought for me at school and she asked why I had my phone. I did not think she would react the way she did y'all no shade.
So yesterday after i got in the car the first thing she said was “give me that fucking phone.” so I did and before I could even get it out of my bag she was like “hurry up before I smash that shit right here.” (again). I took my time on the bus just deleting some stuff (nothing crazy, just stuff I wouldn't want her to see if she went through my phone) so I passed it up easily with no complaint.
Once we started driving off she was like “why did you take the phone out of the car” yadadaa and i said “i thought you said i could have it after school if i didn’t bother you and i had it yesterday and you didn’t say anything” and i know she screamed some saying she never said that but I forgot most of it but I do remember she said “you know i'm gonna throw this shit right?” and i’m honestly kind of numb to this type of stuff at this point so i said “why?” in a calm nonchalant kinda way (not on purpose) and she started screaming or wtv. She threw it out the window into some ditch by the apartments. I said nothing. I said nothing the whole car ride home. I cried in the shower and bathroom for a long time.
I don’t know how deep it goes or what’s down there but theres a bunch of vines, concrete and trees so it’s over for my phone. All my videos, photos, memories, numbers, accounts, apps, ideas, notes were on that phone. Pictures and videos of my friend who moved were on that phone. I don’t know my iCloud or if it was even backed up.
I sometimes wish something would happen to me outside so it’ll eat her up inside knowing it’s her fault. My dad sees nothing wrong with this by the way because I've been “struggling in school” all year and said she's “Fed up” like ok bitch so am i. It’s bigger than the phone too. I could see it if I was a bad ass kid but I'm average. I could be worse. Way worse. It’s non stop torment. Non-stop emotional, verbal and mental abuse. I should tell my dad how when she had that abortion months back and lied (for no reason btw because she had a bf at the time and wasn't with him) to him saying the baby was his, that it wasn't. She just said that so he would comfort her while going through her abortion. If that isn’t telling enough, I don't know what is. My dad went back home to get on his feet 3 weeks ago but he’s coming back and she’s been down here selling all his shit. Stuff he’s had for years, years before he even came to Georgia officially. I want to tell him. It seems high risk, little to no reward.
I can’t wait to fill the shoes she’s been trying to force me to wear for years this summer and I mean it. You kind of get tired of being labeled and assumed about so why not just do it?? If i'm gonna get treated like a horrible kid, like a fast ass girl, like i'm not a human with feelings, I'll just start acting that way. I'll have more freedom anyways. I’ll sit inside and rot if not.
I used a tampon the other day and she said I was “weird” and told me to “stop rushing to put stuff in my pussy so young”. Yea. That’s my mom. It’s so much more and it goes much deeper but that's for another post i think.
She is talking to me like everything is normal and I'm responding for the most part on autopilot but every time I do, I always ask myself why am i even talking to her right now. It's such a constant cycle of degradation and then back to normal I do it subconsciously. I have no phone now. Summer is in 4 weeks and I have summer school. I want to talk to the counselor but I'm scared she’ll report it to CPS so I'll leave out any parts about home and just talk about my mental state. She might report me to the hospital but a part of me hopes she does.
I know I need help. My nervous system is wrecked and i'm scared to be alone with my thoughts. I was scared to take my headphones out last night because my mind would consume me. I’m not stable and yikes i wonder why, i literally grew up and is actively growing up with ACES soo.. i'm writing and posting this from my school computer btw I got my ways 🤫 but after I have to give it back, i'll be assed out. Anyways, let me know what you guys think i should do.
TL;DR (16F):
In summary, my mom took my phone after randomly deciding i was her next target since she was already taking my sisters phone and was mad. She said i could get it after school depending on how i did without it at school (because she took it for no reason) so i got it out the car after school. I textd her in school and she asked why i had my phone. After school on the way home she threw my phone out the window into some forest abyss and my father sees nothing wrong it and of course her ass doesn't.