Scenario: I’ve had a FWB for a couple of years now, we have sex maybe once a month? Nothing too frequent. Sometimes when either of us are in a relationship we stop, but sometimes.. we still slip (please don’t judge). We love each other. We don’t talk about it at all - but since the beginning we definitely have acknowledged that we love each other like family. We never have really talked about if it’s crossed into more, but we both know we could never ever be in a relationship (for a few reasons, but it really is something that we both know could never happen). The last year or so after we sleep together I find he wigs out and treats me different - almost like he’s trying to prove he doesnt love me or care about me in a romantic way (I already am fine with that, it’s almost like he’s trying to prove it to himself? Im not sure). A couple of months ago we slept together - I felt like there was more intimacy - a lot more deep kissing and face to face, and he was acting weird in the weeks after, and we both said maybe we shouldn’t do this anymore.. it’s complicating things too much. We’ve both said things like this in the past, but I don’t think either of us really meant it. Flash forward to yesterday. There was definitely more of a dance leading up to sleeping together - more being unsure if the other person wanted it. And then we did, and it was probably the most intimate sex we’ve had in years.. lots of deep kissing, a really good mix of slow and hard. him paying more attention to me orgasming. A couple minutes after we finished, he said “I don’t know why this keeps happening.” We talked, he said he didn’t want to do this anymore and wasn’t going to, but he didn’t know why he did and why he couldn’t just not. Obviously, this felt super shitty for me. I’m not going to have sex with him again, I’m not really that worried about my self control even if tries - someone sleeping with you and immediately regretting it is one of the worst feelings. So I’m not asking if we should stop or not, we will.
I’d like a male perspective - why do think he keeps trying to have sex with me if he doesn’t want to? I wouldn’t consider myself objectively super attractive. I am kind of wondering, particularly since the last few times we had sex felt more intimate and we dance around the love thing, do you think maybe he’s in love with me and wanting to stop because he also knows it can’t go anywhere? Sometimes I worry that he feels like how much he cares for me limits him in other relationships and maybe this is him trying to put some distance? For a long time I thought we were just having sex and he was on the same page as me that it couldn’t be anything more, but I’m really wondering if it’s become something more for him and that’s why he wants to stop. Or, does he just actually not want to have sex with me anymore because it’s not that great? But then why would he still be doing it if he is trying not to?
I’m just trying to get a better understanding of why so that I can maybe pull back in some other areas too if it’s that he’s falling in love a bit.. he won’t talk about it more in depth with me than he has.