My mom had me SO young. She allowed her family to be awful to my sister & I as kids, and forced us to spend a lot of time with them. My childhood was tough mentally and emotionally. I never had a loving mom-daughter relationship and felt like I barely survived. I bit my tongue for too long and let her treat me horribly. It took having kids and seeing her start that as they get older, to say something. As soon as I did, it blew up.
I cut her (and my dad by default) off 2 years ago when things didn’t change. She begged for a therapy appointment and it went terrible. It was beneficial for me but she denied anything and everything I brought up that hurt me deeply and changed me forever. She gaslit me and said none of it ever happened, said it was dramatic etc. When it was over, even the therapist was like 😬😬. It was so unproductive. I still haven’t received an apology or acknowledgment of my feelings. For anything. When she saw I wasn’t going to sweep it under the rug and move on, she got crazier. It’s been 2-years since she’s had a relationship with my kids or I. She KIND of tried with them but gave up quick when they (ages 8-14) didn’t make a huge effort to talk to her etc. She’s been told a million times that I’d be interested in working on things if she can self-reflect. I was told by my dad, “she doesn’t need to self-reflect. She just needs a relationship”. She asked after the first year to have a therapy session. She had previously chosen one an hr away and it was NOT good for my mental health to sit in a tiny room with her as she denies and has outbursts. She asked a few months ago for another session and I agreed to a video session for the reasons above and also others. That wasn’t good enough because she wanted me to “look her in the eye”. I stuck to my guns about virtual and I haven’t heard from her since.
My only sibling and I have been talking more over the last few years and venting about her and her dysfunction. It’s HARD to not have parents that love you. It messes with your mind and lve told her I struggle. Shes more of a pushover and let’s “mom” do/say whatever. For months she hasn’t reached out or made an effort (it was all me before) and it hurts. She had shared a comment before about mom upset sister has contact with me and she needs to be “supportive” of mom.
Do I have any right to bring it up to her, and what do I say?
u/Distinct-Clue7334
My mom had me SO young. She allowed her family to be awful to my sister & I as kids, and forced us to spend a lot of time with them. My childhood was tough mentally and emotionally. I never had a loving mom-daughter relationship and felt like I barely survived. I bit my tongue for too long and let her treat me horribly. It took having kids and seeing her start that as they get older, to say something. As soon as I did, it blew up.
I cut her (and my dad by default) off 2 years ago when things didn’t change. She begged for a therapy appointment and it went terrible. It was beneficial for me but she denied anything and everything I brought up that hurt me deeply and changed me forever. She gaslit me and said none of it ever happened, said it was dramatic etc. When it was over, even the therapist was like 😬😬. It was so unproductive. I still haven’t received an apology or acknowledgment of my feelings. For anything. When she saw I wasn’t going to sweep it under the rug and move on, she got crazier. It’s been 2-years since she’s had a relationship with my kids or I. She KIND of tried with them but gave up quick when they (ages 8-14) didn’t make a huge effort to talk to her etc. She’s been told a million times that I’d be interested in working on things if she can self-reflect. I was told by my dad, “she doesn’t need to self-reflect. She just needs a relationship”. She asked after the first year to have a therapy session. She had previously chosen one an hr away and it was NOT good for my mental health to sit in a tiny room with her as she denies and has outbursts. She asked a few months ago for another session and I agreed to a video session for the reasons above and also others. That wasn’t good enough because she wanted me to “look her in the eye”. I stuck to my guns about virtual and I haven’t heard from her since.
My only sibling and I have been talking more over the last few years and venting about her and her dysfunction. It’s HARD to not have parents that love you. It messes with your mind and lve told her I struggle. Shes more of a pushover and let’s “mom” do/say whatever. For months she hasn’t reached out or made an effort (it was all me before) and it hurts. She had shared a comment before about mom upset sister has contact with me and she needs to be “supportive” of mom.
Do I have any right to bring it up to her, and what do I say?