- I have been playing for years it’s not a new account buff
-it’s not tilt I have taken weeks off.
- I do puzzles and tactics
- I’m at low stress
No idc about my elo. It’s plenty high enough for me, I’m not playing tournaments or wanting to go pro. Not that I could. I’m just bloody tired of a 70% lose rate this week. I don’t wannna win every game, I just want to go back to 49/3/48
Like I never had any experience that most people had.
Going out with friends movies, dinner, fast food.
Being stupid with someone.
Feeling excited to see someone.
Waking up to messages. Having someone to message.
As a kid sneaking out.
You know literally the most ubiquitous human experiences I constantly see yt shorts of people experiencing. Like why not me? What is so fucking terrible about me? I just feel like my childhood and now adulthood has all been stolen.
And please dont tell me talk to people go outside. Ive done it all and a mile more. It’s easy to say it’s just a rejection when you’ve never experienced one. Everytime I fail to make a friend im being inherently rejected.
Maybe it’s years of solitude speaking, and I sound nuts. “I’m not crazy everyone else is”. Sorry post is all over the place
But people are so profoundly weird now. Like the average person has this tinge of borderline psychopathy, where they lack empathy that seldom themselves and maybe a few people close to them.
No no no I’m not saying being this hyper empathic person who cries at the slightest sense of grief. But in general people lack interest unless it’s about someone being harmed or hurt. “So and so did this” I’ve scene it first hand I bring up something cool people are incapable of holding a conversation and I bring up a gossip. Ears glued.
I’ve also noticed people are borderline incapable of taking an interest in other people. Like if someone mentions something they like it is not that difficult to ask questions. “What is it like” “how did you start this”. Long as you care. Which people don’t. Most people have 2-3 subjects whom they perpetually want to yap about, and have no interest in anything outside.
People have no hobbies. No hobbies are wrong or right. But just something you just like to do. And I’ve found most people genuinely have no passions.
People are so self centred, unless it’s about something directly about them it’s like yeah no.
Ik I come across and cynical. And I do probably have a point or 2. But it’s just people are so profoundly not normal anymore.
I’m at a point if my phones ringing I won’t even go to check it. It’s just some random scam or a wrong number at absolute best.
If I get a notification I’ve realizsed I no longer have the inclination to even check. It’s some random promotion and if I’m supers lucky someone who wants a favour.
I do post here and stuff. And I am very grateful for people who reach out.
But I don’t want online friends. I want a friend in real life. I want someone too hangout with, I want someone to meet up with, I want someone too mess around and laugh with.
And I’m sorry none of us can find that with online friends.
Like I don’t understand anymore. I don’t get people.
I know I’m not perfect in fact probably have more flaws than most. But why am I the only person incapable of ever connecting.
There is this wall between me and every person. I don’t understand anymore. People just allude me.
How have I spent literally all my life without being able to a single human, literally a single connection with literally anyone.
I feel like everytime I talk to people no matter how they come across. Everyone I mean everyone has friends.
I just feel like this alien. I constantly have to lie about having a social life. Cause I’ll be honest you just admit to being friendless. It’s just scene as the biggest defect ever.
Social creature who doesn’t have a social life.
That’s just such a honest truth. 99% of friendships just come from previous relationships.
Sure that 1% exists but it’s like only applicable if your like in middle school or early highschool.
After that people have found their groups and have no interest anymore. Cause I’m sorry we are never gonna beat their friend group of 5 or more years.
So I just feel like I’m stuck in this perpetual loop.
No friends turning into no friends
I liked this girl for a while. I asked her out, she said yes we went on a date. (I made it very easy for her to say no if she didn’t want too)
It was around 2ish hours. We joked and laughed and all that.
She just hasn’t gotten back to me and I can’t tell. I don’t want to be annoying, cause I did the first approach and also asked her out. But since she hasn’t gotten back to me.
It’s been a day. And if that’s a short time frame. How many days is yep that’s wraps bro. Or is there something I should do?
For the upcoming first years. How do we make friends? I know uofc is a called a computer campus and most people come with their high school friends, but is there stuff you can do when you don’t really know anyone?
Young person here. I’m 18. Just have been alone my whole life, never had friends. Spend lunches alone.
I can go probably months without texts or messages. Years without phone calls.
But I at least like to think I don’t come across as this. I am decently confident, I can strike conversations with anyone. And all that stuff. So at least in classes I’m around people.
I just don’t man, there is just this wall between me and people. I can make them laugh or laugh with them, strike conversations but I can’t for the life of me connect.
Today I had my first date. I will be honest dating was never too difficult, it’s highschool just laughing with people and being around with people. Someone will approach you. So I’ve had chances here and there, I just always thought if I can’t even make friends, how can I treat anyone right?
But I thought against that and asked out this girl. She was just wonderful. Ik young teen affection or whatever.
But like I’ve never had an instant flow conversation with someone for 2 hours. I can say whatever, we talk about a variety of subjects, and it’s so amazing.
And people have daily similar experiences? In terms of conversation with their best friends?
I do talk to a lot of people, but I’m always just adjusting to them. I can never be myself. Cause I don’t even think I’d talk to myself.
But tonight I’ll be honest I did have to lie, as no one can know I am friendless. It’s scene as societies greatest defect, to be a social animal yet companionless.
But it was just so nice. Today to be myself, talk about whatever and it all felt so beautiful. A flow conversation is like trying to describe being on a roller coaster, you just have to experience it.
I’ve always heard about it, but never experienced it. And today I did and it was beautiful.
Frankly I don’t expect a second date. I think today was fine but, I just don’t think she’ll want to do it again. This is dark self talk, just abject truth. People don’t like me after they get to know me.
Anyways it was really beautiful, conversations social connections are just so beautiful. I feel like I know very cynical to say, but I’ll only get droplets of this drink and will just have to look at it with awe and envy.
I know I should call admissions. But I can anymore they’re closed.
I payed my application fee today and it was due tmr. I did not have excuse I procrastinated for no reason.
But it says it need to be posted by tomorrow on my account. Bank transfers take 2-3 days and don’t process on weekends usually.
It does say on my account it’s been deposited and the thing that sends the money to uofc that it has been sent and uofc can see it but it will take them a few days to get it.
But I still have the pay deposit and it doesn’t look like it’s in the system I payed. And I can’t see how it’ll be there tomorrow. Will I lose my offer?
I don’t think some people realize how important a friend or loved one is. Just having someone to have comforting silence with, or being able to go to someone’s house announced and be treated like family. Or calling or texting any random thought or event in the day and knowing the other person would care.
It just reminds me of precious a human connection is. And how I won’t ever have it.
Like I have 1.5-4hrs of commute/doing tasks I can listen while doing.
And on like 1.5-2x speed that’s up to 8hrs of listening time a day. Which I just love. I can consume 2-5 books a week. And actually understand and retain/appreciate the book.
I can also do a variety of books too, lately I’ve dived into classics and comedy. It’s just there are so many wonderful books, and with audiobooks I can atleast by the time I die have scene a wonderful portion of them.
I do read physical copies, since I’m slow and I can’t exactly sit down all day(busy/ I like to move a bit not a lot though lol) plus schools kinda made me see reading as a chore even if I love the book. So I can only get through 1 physical books every 1-2 months.
I’ve been noticing any sort of event that involves thinking, or effort my brain just shuts off. It doesn’t wanna encourage effort, I just fall into day dreams or random thoughts.
It wasn’t like this a few months ago. How like actually stop this.
My preferred desk mate would be someone I could mess around, have laughs/banter, and also seriously work with.
Kelly(no): I am sorry she would make me shove pencils in my ear. But I would like for her Ryan to be be in viewing distance, to see their arguments. Cause let’s be honest they’d be so funny, and also crazy!!!
Angela(no): she is out right terrible person. But what’s more terrible is how seriously she takes everything, and how uptight she is. Like she would probably report me for being 2 minutes late.
Ryan(no): early Ryan yeah! Late Ryan’s no, he’d probably mention being vp within half a minute, than do so hourly. Also his wannabe intellectuality would get frustrating. “Oh I really didn’t like the movie” “well because you couldn’t understand the hidden meanings”
Jim(no): Pranks are funny but in infrequent moderations. Finding my stuff in jello, my stuff in a vending machine, changing my calls, etc. Sure maybe every 3-6 months funny, but after that it’s just be so frustrating! But if pranks are not part of the equation yes.
Darrel(yes): he all around is a chill guy. You can make jokes, he’s hard working, he knows when to joke and tone it down. So it’d say he’d be really fun to sit with.
Pam(yes): in a way she is kinda like Darrel. You can joke, mess around, she can work hard, when to joke and when to relax. So she’d be really fun to also sit with.
Dwight(no): he’s really fun to watch, but sitting with him would be too much for me. His interests, hobbies, and way he navigates life would be too much. Like getting a hand written ticket for being late? Or some random hr report? Then listening him talk about skinning a dead over lunch? All is a bit much for me. But I’d love to see him and Jim in a corner.
Creed(yes): he kinda seems up for anything. Plus listening to his stories would be my reason to get out of bed. Like wdym you stole and sold illegal weapons? Committed some atrocities in Vietnam? Like bro id wanna hear it all. Aside from him smelling like a deadman over his beans, his stories would be worth it.
Phylis(yes): random convs about books, hand made mittens, chocolate cake???? I’m sorry it doesn’t get better than this.
Stanley(no): it’s just his vibe is just far too dead. He would just seem so bored and uninterested. Like I’d tell him something he’d look at me with those dead eyes and be like “hmmm”.
Karen(yes): I’d lowkey get a crush tbh. But she seems great all around. You can joke and banter, and also tone it down when needed.
Andy(no): his sucking up, and far too strong personality. Would all just be so frustrating. I could imagine having a bad day then he’d start flexing about Cornell.
Toby(hell no): if legitimately kill myself. His dead vibe would me too much for me.
Oscar(yes): his correcting and know it all would be annoying. But who doesn’t have an annoying trait or 2? He seems chill to hangout with, plus since he knows so much. You can talk to him about whatever. Which is a big plus.
Kevin(yes): he is a bit slow, but my man’s got snacks(which he prob won’t share). But I might be able to tax a bit on his DoorDash orders. Free stolen food, plus sitting next to a genuinely kind guy. Why not.
Meredith(no): it’s just the way she navigates life, and her personality all just give me can’t believe I’m using this work “ick”.
Erin(yes): she seems really sweet and funny. I might need to explain jokes here and there, but she’s kind and helpful. I’d love to be friends!
Micheal(hell no): he’s fun to watch, but I just know after my 3rd day everything about him would ruin my blood pressure. I know he has issues and means well, but I would not be able to take his antics.
Pete: yes, basically Jim without pranks.
Hi, I’ll be starting biomed this September!!
For my mcat pre reqs, would it be realistic to use anki to maintain pre req classes knowledge through anki? Or is this a line of thought a bit far fetched and over reaching?
Hey, I’ll be going into biomed with goal of med school.
Since cars don’t test your scientific knowledge, so is there stuff I can implement to improve them? Since I wanna take it on my 3rd year uni, so maybe some sort of progress I can make? Like reading articles daily, etc.
I used google Gemini to fix my insecurities. I have dark brown eyes I gave myself hazel eye, I made my jaw sharper, I gave myself a nice tan, and basically fixed everything I don’t like about myself.
I’m at awe, at the result. I love the person I made, and now more than ever I detest what I actually look like. I made my bdd so much worse. I can’t even look at myself anymore.
Like do we have some who get kicks from making their classes needlessly difficult? Do we have some nice ones? Etc.
Would like to know.