u/Different_Car_8323

​Hi everyone. I’m a 52-year-old lesbian living in the UK. I’ve been single for nine years, having spent that time entirely focused on raising my children. In doing so, I got quite good at becoming hyper-independent. Now that my kids are grown, I’m ready to find a partner, but I’m finding the transition back into the world much more difficult than I expected.

​I am naturally a bit socially awkward, but my main struggle is something that makes me feel quite silly. I find myself "fantasising" about almost every woman I interact with. If a woman is even slightly friendly—whether we're walking our dogs or just standing in a queue—and we exchange a smile, my mind immediately jumps into imagining a full-blown relationship with her. I even find myself doing this with women I work with.

​What would it be like to actually be with her? How would I ask her out? Is she married? Oh god, she’s so pretty. She’s far too young/old/posh/sexy for me. I even find myself checking for wedding rings... it feels utterly ridiculous! It is like I’ve forgotten how to behave. Of course, I never act on these thoughts, but the mental loop is constant.

​I know people say "just go out and socialise" to find "the one," but for me, the social awkwardness can be debilitating. I’ve always been an old soul; I like my home, my dogs, reading, and listening to audiobooks. I much prefer a quiet night in with someone I love to a loud night out. This adds to a crushing fear that I might never find someone—that the partner I want is likely going through the exact same thing and is staying in as well! And please, don't even mention dating sites; in my view, they are the cesspools of the dating world.

​It is mentally exhausting. I know this likely stems from profound loneliness and perhaps a fear of being hurt, but I don't know how to switch this "thought pattern" off. I feel like I’m running out of time, or that I’m past my prime. With menopause, I feel like I'm becoming invisible as things start to sag and change, but I still have so much love to give.

​I’d love to hear from women—especially here in the UK—who have dealt with this. How do you stop your mind from "running away" with you? How do you stay grounded when you’re finally ready to connect after being on your own for so long?

​Thanks for reading.

Hi everyone. I’m a 52-year-old lesbian living in the UK. I’ve been single for nine years, having spent that time focused on raising my children. In doing so, I got pretty good at becoming hyper-independent. Now that my kids are grown, I’m ready to find a partner, but I’m finding the transition back into the world quite difficult.

​I am naturally a bit socially awkward, but my main struggle is something that makes me feel quite silly: I find myself "fantasising" about almost every woman I interact with. If a woman is even slightly friendly—say, while walking her dog or standing in a queue—and we smile at each other, my mind immediately jumps into imagining a full-blown relationship with her. I even find myself doing this with women I work with!

​What would it be like to actually be with her? How would I ask her out? Would she say yes? Is she married? Oh god, she’s so pretty. Oh, she’s far too young/old/pretty/too sexy/too posh/too this/ too that. I even find myself checking for a wedding ring... it is utterly ridiculous! It is like I’ve forgotten how to behave! I don't do anything about these thought obviously.

​I know people say "just go out and socialise," and you'll find "the one" but for me, the social awkwardness is debilitating. I just can't do it. I have always been an old soul; I like my home, my books, my hobbies, and I much prefer my dogs company and a quiet night in with the someone I love to a loud night out. This adds to the crushing fear that I might never find someone, and that the partner I want and need is likely going through the exact same thing I am and is staying in as well 😄. And please, don't even mention dating sites to me. In my view, they are the cesspools of the dating world.

​It feels mentally exhausting. I know it probably comes from being profoundly lonely and maybe even the fear of being hurt, but I don't know how to switch this "weird thought pattern" off. I feel like I’m running out of time, or that I’m past my prime and nobody will want me because, with menopause, my skin is sagging, everything is heading "south" and I feel like I'm becoming invisible but I still have so much love to offer and give a woman.

​I’d love to hear from women especially here in the UK—who have/are dealing with this. How do you stop your mind from "running away" if this is something you've experienced or are experiencing? How do you stay grounded when you’re finally ready to connect again after being on your own for so long? Thanks