u/DifferentEast5893

My wife and I have been together 12 years. This September would be our 5 years wedding anniversary and we have two young daughters together that are 5 and 3. our problems have been going on almost our entire relationship. It is nothing that she has done, everything has been my fault. Up until a few months ago I did not think that way. I always found a way to blame her for anything that happened. I dismissed her feelings. I was unable to understand her feelings because I was so close minded that when she would tell me a trait that I have, I could not see it because I wasn’t showing it the way I thought it was shown. There has been a lot of emotional damage to her, and I really did not realize the emotional side of things until last week. I can finally see how I was all of the things she told me I was because I now understand that there are different ways to be something. For example, she always used to say I was selfish. In my mind, I never thought I was selfish because I did not physically put myself before her. But I have recently realized that the reason I was selfish is because I always put my feelings my problems, my emotions ahead of hers. I made her feel like she was not important in that aspect. That is just an example. There are other traits that she used to say that I had that I did not think I was guilty of until it all finally made sense to me. There has been several occasions where I would seek other women’s attention. It was never a physical thing, I never physically wanted to be with anyone else. With the help of a therapist, I realize that I was only seeking the type of attention from other women that I was not getting from her at times. I have no idea why. I was such a weak person and I’ve also struggled with substance abuse over the years. I have been to Rehab twice since July of last year. The first time she was willing to stick it out with me and was there when I got home. But it did not take long for me to relapse. When that happened, I assume the thought that I will never change, crossed her mind and then everything else that has happened over the years was brought back into the light. She is the most amazing woman I’ve ever met and the best mother to my girls that I could ever ask for. She is my best friend and the only person that I want to do life with. She has forgiven me multiple times over the years and I took advantage of that. I had so many issues of my own that I was not willing to fix. Since I’ve been out of rehab this last time, which I got out at the end of January, I have been with a therapist, a marriage, counselor, and I go to meetings for my sobriety. I finally realize all of my problems that I have had over the years that she tried so hard to make me see. I have completely turned my life around, but I want to give my wife and my two little girls the best life that I possibly can. The life I should have been giving them since the very start. She has not presented me with papers yet, but she is waiting on the house to sell before she does that. I signed the house over to her before I left for Rehab the last time because I did not want her and the girls to have to move and find somewhere else to live. I tried so hard to convince her to let me pay the house payment every month, but she would not allow it. But I did pay all of the other bills, including my new bills in the apartment that I have been in since I got home back in late January. The house is now under contract and is almost finalized. Once that happens, she will present me with divorce papers because she has made the comment before that she did not have the money to file for a divorce yet. I just want my family back and the opportunity to show my wife that the person I once was will never make another appearance in her life again I want to opportunity to show her. The man that I am today is a man that she would be proud to call her husband and spend the rest of her life with. I am so lost without my wife and little girls. We do communicate, but strictly only about the girls. She allows me to get them and see them and they stay with me on nights that they ask for me. It is extremely difficult for them because they do not understand and they just want their mommy and daddy to live together again. I need my girls, I need my wife, and I hate that it has taken all of these years for me to finally wake up and see what I have had this whole time. I was unwilling to change because like I said, I did not see myself having the issues that my wife said because they weren’t demonstrated in a way that I thought they had to be. I don’t know what to do anymore. If I try to communicate with my wife about anything other than the kids or the divorce, she will not respond. But I refuse to give up on my family. I may have not shown it over the years, but she is the love of my life and I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else. Sorry this is so long, I don’t really know how anyone can help me. Also, I have been out of the house since the first of November.

My wife and I have been together 12 years. This September would be our 5 years wedding anniversary and we have two young daughters together that are 5 and 3. our problems have been going on almost our entire relationship. It is nothing that she has done, everything has been my fault. Up until a few months ago I did not think that way. I always found a way to blame her for anything that happened. I dismissed her feelings. I was unable to understand her feelings because I was so close minded that when she would tell me a trait that I have, I could not see it because I wasn’t showing it the way I thought it was shown. There has been a lot of emotional damage to her, and I really did not realize the emotional side of things until last week. I can finally see how I was all of the things she told me I was because I now understand that there are different ways to be something. For example, she always used to say I was selfish. In my mind, I never thought I was selfish because I did not physically put myself before her. But I have recently realized that the reason I was selfish is because I always put my feelings my problems, my emotions ahead of hers. I made her feel like she was not important in that aspect. That is just an example. There are other traits that she used to say that I had that I did not think I was guilty of until it all finally made sense to me. There has been several occasions where I would seek other women’s attention. It was never a physical thing, I never physically wanted to be with anyone else. With the help of a therapist, I realize that I was only seeking the type of attention from other women that I was not getting from her at times. I have no idea why. I was such a weak person and I’ve also struggled with substance abuse over the years. I have been to Rehab twice since July of last year. The first time she was willing to stick it out with me and was there when I got home. But it did not take long for me to relapse. When that happened, I assume the thought that I will never change, crossed her mind and then everything else that has happened over the years was brought back into the light. She is the most amazing woman I’ve ever met and the best mother to my girls that I could ever ask for. She is my best friend and the only person that I want to do life with. She has forgiven me multiple times over the years and I took advantage of that. I had so many issues of my own that I was not willing to fix. Since I’ve been out of rehab this last time, which I got out at the end of January, I have been with a therapist, a marriage, counselor, and I go to meetings for my sobriety. I finally realize all of my problems that I have had over the years that she tried so hard to make me see. I have completely turned my life around, but I want to give my wife and my two little girls the best life that I possibly can. The life I should have been giving them since the very start. She has not presented me with papers yet, but she is waiting on the house to sell before she does that. I signed the house over to her before I left for Rehab the last time because I did not want her and the girls to have to move and find somewhere else to live. I tried so hard to convince her to let me pay the house payment every month, but she would not allow it. But I did pay all of the other bills, including my new bills in the apartment that I have been in since I got home back in late January. The house is now under contract and is almost finalized. Once that happens, she will present me with divorce papers because she has made the comment before that she did not have the money to file for a divorce yet. I just want my family back and the opportunity to show my wife that the person I once was will never make another appearance in her life again I want to opportunity to show her. The man that I am today is a man that she would be proud to call her husband and spend the rest of her life with. I am so lost without my wife and little girls. We do communicate, but strictly only about the girls. She allows me to get them and see them and they stay with me on nights that they ask for me. It is extremely difficult for them because they do not understand and they just want their mommy and daddy to live together again. I need my girls, I need my wife, and I hate that it has taken all of these years for me to finally wake up and see what I have had this whole time. I was unwilling to change because like I said, I did not see myself having the issues that my wife said because they weren’t demonstrated in a way that I thought they had to be. I don’t know what to do anymore. If I try to communicate with my wife about anything other than the kids or the divorce, she will not respond. But I refuse to give up on my family. I may have not shown it over the years, but she is the love of my life and I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else. Sorry this is so long, I don’t really know how anyone can help me. Also, I have been out of the house since the first of November.