u/Different-Pattern147

I am just having a hard time right now. I am a military spouse located in South Korea. We moved here recently and have two children all under 6 years old. My marriage is in a very strained state. We have been married for 8.5 years and dated for 3. We have had numerous problems regarding finances and I just don't know where to go from here. There have been numerous large financial issues throughout our relationship and a lot of secrecy. The big instances are when my grandmother passed away we received an inheritance of 250,000 in 2019. We paid off our home at the time approximately 185,000 and what was left I think we put in a savings account. I am pretty sure the leftover sum was gone by the time we moved. Other than spending approximately 5k on the rest of my bachelors I could not tell you what it was spent on. We sold the house in 2021 when we moved out of state and got back approximately 220k that was put into a join savings account. I know when we first moved in that we were dipping into savings some for furniture and we used 50K on a new vehicle and both of our masters degrees. I can account for approximately 70k of the 220k. I do not know what happened to the other 150k. I found out about this around 2023 but when I found out we had 5k left. I was noticing that something fishy was happening with our finances and confronted him. At the time he also had a personal loan out for 10k in which he had given the money to his father. I was hurt that he lied to me for so long and that our savings was gone. we outlined a strict budget and I told him that if he ever did something like this again we would have to divorce. This has created a lot of distrust in our marriage on my part. The finacial problems have continued. I kept seeing charges to our account from draft kings. I know that he did sports betting but I dont think i ever imagined the extent that this is going on. His stepdad left him 100s of vintage pokemon cards in his will and my husband was getting them graded and he explained that he was doing this through PSA via draft kings. January 2025 he thought we were getting our tax return that week and he used his whole paycheck on draft kings saying it was paying for a big batch of cards to get graded. Well the tax return didnt come and that was a big issue because we were broke and had to make it 2 weeks until the next pay day. He started working uber eat to help out and we came up with another strict budget. October 2026 we were gifted 10k by his mother and most of that money was used to fund a trip to Tokyo. Flights, hotel, Disney, other excursions. When I asked about where the rest of the money was he said hotels are very expensive out there. Which brings us to now and the only thing that was purchase for this trip was flight vouchers for 5 people round trip from Seoul to Tokyo and I don't even know if that is true.  I am seeing questionable spending habits multiple charges 100s of dollars at a time out through paypal or apple pay. 1,600 charge for what looks like a payday loan. Money missing from out join robin hood account. Against my better judgement i looked at some of the browser history on our home computer. I found multiple sports booking website searchs, mlb score watches and multiple loan searches all right around the same time. I also have not seen our tax return. I was not deposited into our join account this year. It was between 6-9k allegedly. Since we pay our rent, utilities, and internet through our realtor in cash and he was going to be on a work trip for 40 days we discussed using some of the money to pay ahead but allegedly the whole return was given to the realtor, and honestly at this point I don't believe him. He brought up about a month ago that he had finally paid off his credit card and for the first time since before we met he was debt free. He also told me at that point that he was 30k in debt when we first met. I asked him why he never told me and he said that he was scared I would leave if I knew. I feel like I have been lied to this whole relationship and marriage. I am seeing clear signs of out of control gambling. To the point that our account was overdrafted for over 24 hours when he was leaving for his work trip leaving me in south korea with 3 young children praying that there would not be an emergency in the 48 hours until the paycheck hit. Money is not every and I really dont care how much we do or dont have coming in the door. I just want us to be responsible with what we do have. He brings in enough for us to be more than comfortable I just dont feel safe in this marriage anymore and I am trying not to bring this up with him for the last month because this work trip is high stress and a lot rides on it for his career but I am physically nauseous over this whole issue. I dont know what to do.

Summary: I am a military spouse currently living in South Korea with our two young children. My marriage is under significant strain due to longstanding financial secrecy, repeated debt issues, and what I now believe may be compulsive gambling behavior by my husband. Over the years there have been large amounts of missing money, undisclosed loans, sports betting charges, overdrafts, and inconsistent explanations regarding our finances. I recently uncovered additional evidence that has heightened my concerns and left me feeling anxious, overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, and unsafe financially within the marriage. I am seeking support to process the situation and determine healthy next steps.

Context: I am just having a hard time right now. I am a military spouse located in South Korea. We moved here recently and have two children all under 6 years old. My marriage is in a very strained state. We have been married for 8.5 years and dated for 3. We have had numerous problems regarding finances, and I just don't know where to go from here. There have been numerous large financial issues throughout our relationship and a lot of secrecy.

The big instances are when my grandmother passed away we received an inheritance of 250,000 in 2019. We paid off our home at the time approximately 185,000 and what was left I think we put in a savings account. I am pretty sure the leftover sum was gone by the time we moved. Other than spending approximately 5k on the rest of my bachelors I could not tell you what it was spent on. We sold the house in 2021 when we moved out of state and got back approximately 220k that was put into a join savings account. I know when we first moved in that we were dipping into savings some for furniture and we used 50K on a new vehicle and both of our masters degrees. I can account for approximately 70k of the 220k. I do not know what happened to the other 150k. I found out about this around 2023 but when I found out we had 5k left. I was noticing that something fishy was happening with our finances and confronted him. At the time he also had a personal loan out for 10k in which he had given the money to his father. I was hurt that he lied to me for so long and that our savings was gone. we outlined a strict budget and I told him that if he ever did something like this again we would have to divorce.

This has created a lot of distrust in our marriage on my part. The finacial problems have continued. I kept seeing charges to our account from draft kings. I know that he did sports betting but I dont think i ever imagined the extent that this is going on. His stepdad left him 100s of vintage pokemon cards in his will and my husband was getting them graded and he explained that he was doing this through PSA via draft kings. January 2025 he thought we were getting our tax return that week and he used his whole paycheck on draft kings saying it was paying for a big batch of cards to get graded. Well the tax return didnt come and that was a big issue because we were broke and had to make it 2 weeks until the next pay day. He started working uber eat to help out and we came up with another strict budget.

October 2026 we were gifted 10k by his mother and most of that money was used to fund a trip to Tokyo. Flights, hotel, Disney, other excursions. When I asked about where the rest of the money was he said hotels are very expensive out there. Which brings us to now and the only thing that was purchase for this trip was flight vouchers for 5 people round trip from Seoul to Tokyo and I don't even know if that is true.  I am seeing questionable spending habits multiple charges 100s of dollars at a time out through paypal or apple pay. 1,600 charge for what looks like a payday loan. Money missing from out join robin hood account. Against my better judgement i looked at some of the browser history on our home computer. I found multiple sports booking website searchs, mlb score watches and multiple loan searches all right around the same time.

I also have not seen our tax return. I was not deposited into our join account this year. It was between 6-9k allegedly. Since we pay our rent, utilities, and internet through our realtor in cash and he was going to be on a work trip for 40 days we discussed using some of the money to pay ahead but allegedly the whole return was given to the realtor, and honestly at this point I don't believe him.

He brought up about a month ago that he had finally paid off his credit card and for the first time since before we met he was debt free. He also told me at that point that he was 30k in debt when we first met. I asked him why he never told me and he said that he was scared I would leave if I knew. I feel like I have been lied to this whole relationship and marriage. I am seeing clear signs of out of control gambling. To the point that our account was overdrafted for over 24 hours when he was leaving for his work trip leaving me in south korea with 2 young children praying that there would not be an emergency in the 48 hours until the paycheck hit.

Money is not everything and I really dont care how much we do or dont have coming in the door. I just want us to be responsible with what we do have. He brings in enough for us to be more than comfortable I just dont feel safe in this marriage anymore and I am trying not to bring this up with him for the last month because this work trip is high stress and a lot rides on it for his career but I am physically nauseous over this whole issue. I dont know what to do.

Summary: I am a military spouse currently living in South Korea with our three young children. My marriage is under significant strain due to longstanding financial secrecy, repeated debt issues, and what I now believe may be compulsive gambling behavior by my husband. Over the years there have been large amounts of missing money, undisclosed loans, sports betting charges, overdrafts, and inconsistent explanations regarding our finances. I recently uncovered additional evidence that has heightened my concerns and left me feeling anxious, overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, and unsafe financially within the marriage. I am seeking support to process the situation and determine healthy next steps.

Context: I am just having a hard time right now. I am a military spouse located in South Korea. We moved here recently and have two children all under 6 years old. My marriage is in a very strained state. We have been married for 8.5 years and dated for 3. We have had numerous problems regarding finances and I just don't know where to go from here. There have been numerous large financial issues throughout our relationship and a lot of secrecy. The big instances are when my grandmother passed away we received an inheritance of 250,000 in 2019. We paid off our home at the time approximately 185,000 and what was left I think we put in a savings account. I am pretty sure the leftover sum was gone by the time we moved. Other than spending approximately 5k on the rest of my bachelors I could not tell you what it was spent on. We sold the house in 2021 when we moved out of state and got back approximately 220k that was put into a join savings account. I know when we first moved in that we were dipping into savings some for furniture and we used 50K on a new vehicle and both of our masters degrees. I can account for approximately 70k of the 220k. I do not know what happened to the other 150k. I found out about this around 2023 but when I found out we had 5k left. I was noticing that something fishy was happening with our finances and confronted him. At the time he also had a personal loan out for 10k in which he had given the money to his father. I was hurt that he lied to me for so long and that our savings was gone. we outlined a strict budget and I told him that if he ever did something like this again we would have to divorce. This has created a lot of distrust in our marriage on my part. The finacial problems have continued. I kept seeing charges to our account from draft kings. I know that he did sports betting but I dont think i ever imagined the extent that this is going on. His stepdad left him 100s of vintage pokemon cards in his will and my husband was getting them graded and he explained that he was doing this through PSA via draft kings. January 2025 he thought we were getting our tax return that week and he used his whole paycheck on draft kings saying it was paying for a big batch of cards to get graded. Well the tax return didnt come and that was a big issue because we were broke and had to make it 2 weeks until the next pay day. He started working uber eat to help out and we came up with another strict budget. October 2026 we were gifted 10k by his mother and most of that money was used to fund a trip to Tokyo. Flights, hotel, Disney, other excursions. When I asked about where the rest of the money was he said hotels are very expensive out there. Which brings us to now and the only thing that was purchase for this trip was flight vouchers for 5 people round trip from Seoul to Tokyo and I don't even know if that is true.  I am seeing questionable spending habits multiple charges 100s of dollars at a time out through paypal or apple pay. 1,600 charge for what looks like a payday loan. Money missing from out join robin hood account. Against my better judgement i looked at some of the browser history on our home computer. I found multiple sports booking website searchs, mlb score watches and multiple loan searches all right around the same time. I also have not seen our tax return. I was not deposited into our join account this year. It was between 6-9k allegedly. Since we pay our rent, utilities, and internet through our realtor in cash and he was going to be on a work trip for 40 days we discussed using some of the money to pay ahead but allegedly the whole return was given to the realtor, and honestly at this point I don't believe him. He brought up about a month ago that he had finally paid off his credit card and for the first time since before we met he was debt free. He also told me at that point that he was 30k in debt when we first met. I asked him why he never told me and he said that he was scared I would leave if I knew. I feel like I have been lied to this whole relationship and marriage. I am seeing clear signs of out of control gambling. To the point that our account was overdrafted for over 24 hours when he was leaving for his work trip leaving me in south korea with 3 young children praying that there would not be an emergency in the 48 hours until the paycheck hit. Money is not every and I really dont care how much we do or dont have coming in the door. I just want us to be responsible with what we do have. He brings in enough for us to be more than comfortable I just dont feel safe in this marriage anymore and I am trying not to bring this up with him for the last month because this work trip is high stress and a lot rides on it for his career but I am physically nauseous over this whole issue. I dont know what to do.