u/Desperate_Range_9462

I live with my partner (who is very neurotypical) and have done for several years now. Aside from letting clean clothes go unfolded for a day or so, I’m generally pretty tidy and stay on top of my mess and his mess, I actually feel he’s usually messier than me. I have a good nighttime routine and we go to bed between 9-10pm every night and I can usually get myself to sleep by 11 latest.
He’s away for work this week and this is my second night alone. I am currently lay in bed at 6pm, which I had to climb over a pile of random items and clothes that has already amassed on my bed to get into. The dishes haven’t been done since he left and I haven’t showered since yesterday morning. Last night I was up on my phone till after midnight and only went to sleep because my phone died.

Why does my brain effectively shut down as soon as my partner leaves?? Is it just like an extension of body doubling, like if there’s someone else there the habits don’t come out as bad and my executive functioning works better?

So odd hahaha I have to laugh at myself

As the title states we’ve been together 5 years and I love him dearly - he’s got the same values and morals as me, same sense of humour, similar interests and intellectual level, we get on with each others families and friends and I can just hang out with him forever honestly he’s my best mate. But there’s a couple of spanners in the works that I’m struggling to move past and are affecting my relationship more than I’d like.

Firstly, he’s not very emotionally available in that he doesn’t like to talk about deep stuff, (his troubled upbringing has caused him a lot of emotional pain and damage so he is very closed off) he doesn’t manage his emotions well and would rather avoid than face them, and he won’t go to therapy to help himself work through it. Additionally, his hygiene is not great. I don’t remember this being a problem when we first got together as to be honest if it was I don’t think we would’ve gone very far haha. But the last 2.5 years it’s gone downhill - he is a mouth breather and says it’s due to his allergies which clogs his nose and/or makes it runny. He always has a blocked nose and leaves snotty tissues all round the house. His mouth breathing causes his breath to smell so so foul and he doesn’t have a great teeth cleaning regime - brushes twice a day but with a manual toothbrush and gets fed up after a minute. Even when he brushes his breath still has a lingering bad smell. It’s especially bad at night as he snores and mouth breathes while he’s asleep. He’s also just a smelly boy in general and sweats a lot and doesn’t like to wear fragrance so not much masks that naturally odour.

The rest I can ignore to an extent but the breath and the mouth breathing is really starting to get to me as it’s not only grossing me out, I’m also concerned about health issues. He told me the dentist said there’s nothing wrong inside his mouth and it’s just because of his allergies so he won’t go any further. He also won’t look at long term allergy treatment as one doctor told him that the injections can cause reduced bone density so he doesn’t want them. I’ve bought him those nose things to open his nostrils up and he rarely uses them either.

I’ve told him that the breath is really off putting for me and is affecting my desire to be close with him, but still no changes, he just brushes his teeth before he tries anything. And then on top of all of this is the issue of lack of emotional intimacy which just adds another dimension of separation for me.

I feel like I’ve got one foot out the door even talking about these things but I feel crazy even considering leaving someone I love so much, because of these things. All my friends are getting engaged and talking kids and my partner wants to start building a life together so I’m in a place where I have to imagine the rest of my life with this man - physical intimacy is important to me and I enjoy sex, so without it I don’t know how successful our partnership would be.

Tldr: I love my partner deeply but lack of emotional availability and his mouth breathing and poor hygiene are affecting my physical attraction, and he refuses to address these issues. Advice needed on what to do next.